Do you have an ego?

Assume some time ago, a hot chick you liked had to choose between yourself and the other guy...and chose the other guy. Assume she was polite to you and still wanted you as her friend (even if you had a more intimate relationship at one point). Assume you accept your consolation prize as still being a friend in her life.

Fast forward to the present.

Assume she broke up with the other guy...still has your number...calls you up, and asks you out on a date. Assume you're still single and available and maybe, have been pining away for her...even though she spent the past year or so fucking your competition.

Are you game, or will you tell her it's too late...?

Friend of mine is in current dilmemna....

Tell her it's too late.

If you've been their friend long enough after awhile, while she sees other people, while your interest is clear, and then she comes to you after all that - if you agree to it you'll just be her lapdog. You don't need it and she shouldn't expect you to hang around wasting your time pining away for her while she goes off and lives her life.

Maybe fuck her once just for the effort you put in, but for a serious relationship? Hell the fuck no.

Fuck her then dump her.

Root, no attachments. Btch had her chance.

sure, go for it!!

You can't never have enough regular booty calls friends; after all, you are only young and single once!!

3 Things you should never turn down in life when the opportunity presents itself:

money

food

sex

BAB's motto:

j7wild wrote:

3 Things you should never turn down in life when the opportunity presents itself:

money

food

sex

CJB wrote:

Root, no attachments. Btch had her chance.

Agreed.

Some of the responses make me doubt the amount and seriousness of the relationships of my fellow posters.

In a real-life situation like the one Dog Bond describes, it will never be quite that easy.

I guess my answer would depend upon how strong my feelings for said person still are and if I believe there is a chance for it to work long-term in spite of all the surrounding complications.

Salomé wrote:

Some of the responses make me doubt the amount and seriousness of the relationships of my fellow posters.

In a real-life situation like the one Dog Bond describes, it will never be quite that easy.

I guess my answer would depend upon how strong my feelings for said person still are and if I believe there is a chance for it to work long-term in spite of all the surrounding complications.

Yep. That's it.

Nice to see the girls all have a similar wavelength and not just looking for an opportunity for sex.

Among other things, she chose the other guy because he was closer to her age (compared to this one who is almost 12 years older). Also, if she stayed with the older guy, part of it would have become a long-distance relationship for the greater part of a year. She let him down gently, but still wanted to save the friendship part of the relationship with him.

Circumstances became different a year later. He's still 12 years older but the long distance aspect is not an issue anymore. She didn't call him up asking for a relationship, just to meet up and go out...if sex happened, it's maybe a bonus but not a foregone conclusion.

I encouraged him to meet her, after all, they did remain friends, but I also told him, don't start drooling like a dog. You're not to assume she's been pining for you, and most likely wasn't if she was with someone else and encouraged you to also move on with your life as far as a relationship goes.

Question is...can his ego handle it?

Mrs Aural Sects wrote:

Nice to see the girls all have a similar wavelength and not just looking for an opportunity for sex.

To be fair, I think I looked at it from both ways. If the bloke has been pining away, expressed his interest, been denied and then keeps holding the flame for a long time, and suddenly she's keen, I think it's fair to at least go there once. From there you can judge whether there's potential for something more once the carnal side of things has been quenched.

But I don't think it's an equitable basis for a relationship and I don't think any bloke with an ounce of self-respect would let himself be dragged through the situation you (originally) described. I was once and when she came back I wasn't having any of it. That doesn't mean we aren't friends today. The reality is that contrary to popular opinion, there are plenty of fish in the sea for anyone half decent looking and with an ounce of smarts. Especially when the general traits people are attracted to in a partner are rarely unique - even in combination.

And frankly, if she can find a guy who'll dutifully hold her handbag while she goes and F***S someone else - she can do better than the one holding the handbag.

Though the long-distance aspect that you've revealed makes it less complicated than the original generic description of the situation. That's way closer to 'two friends who couldn't get the timing right then one moved away' thing.

This:

Sharky wrote:

Fuck her then dump her.

You can always go out on a drink, if there is more to it act on it otherwise being friends is not that bad. Unless he still really fancies her and she has no such feelings. In that case walk away before you get hurt all over again.

Women and men do pick folks they like more and there is nothing wrong about that, unless it is not you they chose which will be painfull. But at the end of the day I'd rather be with somebody who wants to be with me if not there is always the options of friends. Otherwise it will be aquaintances.

Good luck to your friend.

Vesper wrote:

there are plenty of fish in the sea for anyone half decent looking and with an ounce of smarts. Especially when the general traits people are attracted to in a partner are rarely unique - even in combination.

There are plenty of people but not many you can find that rare chemistry with.

I had a girfriend once who stayed 'friends' with her exes, so she could call upon them for favours whenever she needed one. When we broke up I chose not to join her pantheon of ex-lovers-on-call.

More recently I had another girlfriend who likewise said 'this isn't working, but I'd like to stay friends, so you can babysit my kids while I date other guys."

I haven't seen her since - or, more to the point, she hasn't seen me since.

Like CJB said, she had her chance. It's better to move on than to be dragged back into a dysfunctional relationship "for old times' sake."

But maybe that's just me.

Santa wrote:

Vesper wrote:

there are plenty of fish in the sea for anyone half decent looking and with an ounce of smarts. Especially when the general traits people are attracted to in a partner are rarely unique - even in combination.

There are plenty of people but not many you can find that rare chemistry with.

I'm 20. Was a a shut in until 18 and can already count 20.

I assume you're talking opposite sex and ones whom you 'click' with on more than a purely physical level.

Though perhaps I'm incredibly attractive as well as articulate, charming and witty and I just don't know it.

AMC Hornet wrote:

I had a girfriend once who stayed 'friends' with her exes, so she could call upon them for favours whenever she needed one. When we broke up I chose not to join her pantheon of ex-lovers-on-call.

See both of my exes I'm still good friends with. Then again what we had was hardly serious but the point remains we've all benefitted from remaining friends and still get along.

I guess remaining at least civil with each other is maybe better if you're likely to keep running into your exes on a regular basis.

But otherwise, 'clean breaks' are best ... much less complicated, IMHO.

Blunt Instrument wrote:

I guess remaining at least civil with each other is maybe better if you're likely to keep running into your exes on a regular basis.

But otherwise, 'clean breaks' are best ... much less complicated, IMHO.

That's what I'm saying. Isn't it awkward trying to start a new relationship if you remain at your ex's beck and call? What is your new love interest to think: that you are a mensch, or that you haven't gotten over your old flame yet?

My ex kept hanging around with my sister while I was dating and getting engaged to a new love. It wasn't like she wanted me back, she just didn't know when enough was enough. I'm surprised my wife ever married me.

When we divorced we had to communicate re: our children, but we were both happy to let each other get on with our lives. Very few favours, and NO booty calls. Same goes for my first post-divorce rebound relationship - it was the first breakup I had ever initiated, and I made it clear that I wasn't interested in continuing to be her enabler while she broke in a new one.

Fortunately I don't see an end to my current, 9-year romance. Her ex-husband lives far away with his new wife, and although there is one old boyfriend with an exaggerated sense of his own importance, he is also far away and only calls when he's drunk and never remembers having called.

I say, move on. It sends a clear message to both exes and future partners.

Vesper wrote:

Santa wrote:

Vesper wrote:

there are plenty of fish in the sea for anyone half decent looking and with an ounce of smarts. Especially when the general traits people are attracted to in a partner are rarely unique - even in combination.

There are plenty of people but not many you can find that rare chemistry with.

I'm 20. Was a a shut in until 18 and can already count 20.

I assume you're talking opposite sex and ones whom you 'click' with on more than a purely physical level.

Though perhaps I'm incredibly attractive as well as articulate, charming and witty and I just don't know it.

I think you know it, Vesper. 8)