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 Monogamy – is it unnatural?

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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:34 pm

Santa wrote:
Erica Ambler wrote:
No one knows who they go to bed with at night. It's the risk you take.

And speak for yourself. I know exactly who is in my bed.

Yes, but do you know who's been in theirs?




Last edited by Erica Ambler on Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:40 pm

Ahhhh Ambler. We don't all live in your world.





;)
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:42 pm

So extraterrestrial life is a fact?
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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:46 pm

My pointy ears and aversion to kryptonite are proof of the fact.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:49 pm

Oh I don't know. Have you ever been to Manchester?
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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:54 pm

Of course not. Never any further north than Peterborough, and that was under protest.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 1:15 pm

I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
I've been to Manchester, but I've never been to me




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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 1:49 pm

We know.
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tiffanywint
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 7:14 pm

Monogamy is great for a couple that is in love. And it can work in other relationships just to keep things sane, but otherwise no, its unnatural, IM oh-so HO of course.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 7:39 pm

The desire for monogamy does not acknowledge people's urge to self destruction. Fortunately, human fallibility is something most of us learn to accommodate as we get older, however disappointed we might be.

Not that I'm speaking from experience, you understand...
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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 7:46 pm

There are reasons why people cheat outside the urge to self destruct, you know.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 7:53 pm

I know that. I just don't think it's very morally superior for people to say that the reason they haven't cheated is through the fear of being caught and the ultimate sanction of losing their house and/or marriage and children. If that's what's stopping them committing adultery then their marriage is bankrupt in any case. They've already cheated in their heads.

Coming back to the opening post, Robbie Williams says that the only reason he doesn't cheat is because he makes sure he is constantly chaperoned by his wife. I just can't see that ending well.
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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:17 pm

We all cheat in our heads. In many cases that stops us from needing to cheat in real life, no? In my head I eat cheesecake for breakfast, chocolate for lunch and ice-cream for dinner, loads of it. Doesn't mean I would or even really want to in real life. There's an awful lot of shit in my head, and having the occasional fantasy about, er, Sharky ;) , does not make my relationship bankrupt. And I'm not sure when anyone brought moral superiority into it. Personally I'm not particularly interested in being morally superior and it's the least of my reasons for not cheating.
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saint mark
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:35 pm

The reasons for the high percentage of divorce shows you that today people are way too selfish to chose a mate for life, so monogamy seems to become less wanted. Or is it that we life too long, have too much spare time on our hands, are shown too much sexuality and beautifull people through massmedia, do not want to enjoy the same thing for a too long a period at the time?

For the last 11 years I have been rather monogamous but have met some folks I would not have minded to have a roll in the hey with. The fact this did not happen is due to the lack of mutual attraction and a certain defensiveness on my part that protects my life with my family rather than enjoy a quick or long nigth of lust.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:38 pm

Wasn’t accusing you of being morally superior, Santa. Perish the thought. Just that I've been reading this research paper and some of the results annoyed me somewhat.

http://family.jrank.org/pages/883/Infidelity-Cross-Cultural-Perspectives.html">Infidelity

Incidentally, the supposedly happily married J7child made one interesting post in his time here. Can't remember where he said it, alas, but -and I'm paraphrasing - it was along the lines of, 'You should never turn down an opportunity for sex, adventure, or money when it presents itself'.

Having messed up two fine chances in the last 12 months, I should have that tattooed on my forehead in reverse lettering. Hmmm. Or maybe just paint it on my hallway mirror.









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Santa
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:44 pm

Don't worry sweetheart. While he's hurt that you messed him around before, Sharky told me he'd be prepared to give you another chance ;) .
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:48 pm

Sharky's foolish like that. I'll prep the cellar.
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Ravenstone
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sat Oct 27, 2012 11:36 pm

I'd have to weigh fear of commitment against fear of intimacy - it takes me a long time to trust anyone, particularly men, so psychologically, monogamy suits me perfectly. I invest time in getting to know someone; I take a risk in trusting them when I'm at my most vulnerable - it's not something I want to go through too many times.

Whether monogamy is 'natural' or not is probably based on individuals, in that case. Logically, I'd say monogamy isn't necessarily 'natural', although in terms of child-rearing it has advantages.
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Salomé
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:08 am

Isn't this really about two very different things that can be at odds with each other?
Monogamy makes perfect sense in terms of building a strong relationship with a "life partner", if you will.
People who say that monogamy is unnatural actually mean that it's not natural for your lust to be limited to just that person, which is of course completely accurate. But I do believe a person can be emotionally satisfied by one "other".

Perhaps the ideal is indeed an open relationship, but both partners have to be pretty strong emotionally for that, and convinced of their commitment to each other. I doubt it's something that could work for just everyone.

Speaking from a personal perspective, I do think it would bother me more if my significant other was constantly pining for someone else but never acting on it rather than engaging in a one-night stand he then completely forgot about. It's quite obvious that the former is more of a symptom that your relationship is seriously ill.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:11 am

Salomé wrote:
Isn't this really about two very different things that can be at odds with each other?

Three different things. It's also about my lust for Sharky. He has an arse like a ripe peach.

Salomé wrote:
I do believe a person can be emotionally satisfied by one "other".

That is a good and distinct point. It is perhaps unfair to expect all our different needs and desires to be met by just one person.
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bitchcraft
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:18 pm

Erica Ambler wrote:
It is perhaps unfair to expect all our different needs and desires to be met by just one person.

Like finding a possible soul mate who does almost everything right but falls short in bed, and you keep thinking about one of your exes who did, and call him up, meet him, use him....and feel guilty after....

And you thought only M had skeletons in the closet.

I never told him cuz I didn't want to hurt him, and instead let him down gently....and moved on...dated another guy who wouldn't leave me alone and it was worse for him...we walked down the aisle together...



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tiffanywint
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Mon Oct 29, 2012 6:51 am

Having settled comfortably into middle age, even this monogamy sounds like a lot of work. It's time to find a nice woman with grown kids that don't ask to borrow one's car. Preferably a school teacher with a pension and we can monogamy once a month or so, until I expire of heart attack, preferably on the golf course.
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Erica Ambler
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:19 pm

When I reach that stage take me out and shoot me.
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tiffanywint
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:27 pm

Erica Ambler wrote:
When I reach that stage take me out and shoot me.

Once a month, even twice is manageable. No need to shoot. Just do your best. Sit-ups help. Although 40 plus women are maneaters. They are like tigers. Voracious doesn't begin to describe. I can see why some guys might tip the pool-boy to help. Taming techniques need be developed. Golf course can offer safe respite, as well as any televised sporting event with the sound turned up loud.
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bitchcraft
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PostSubject: Re: Monogamy – is it unnatural?   Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:33 pm

Erica Ambler wrote:
When I reach that stage take me out and shoot me.

Go out in a blaze of glory...like M.... :face:
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