These forums may contain mild adult content and are not associated with EON, Sony or any other companies and do not reflect their views.
 
HomeHome  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Control
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 5137
Member Since : 2010-05-13
Location : Slumber, Inc.

PostSubject: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:56 am

Quote :
http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/james-bond-hate-14306026#ixzz2B85lCNqn

Everyone loves him. Why? He's a boring, tasteless rapist. He always was.

James Bond is undergoing a pop-culture jubilee. The opening ceremony at the London Olympics identified the assassin as equally iconic as the Queen. Everybody is heaping praise on the new Sam Mendes-directed movie Skyfall. Daniel Craig is one more well-received Bond from passing Sean Connery for the title of Best Bond Ever. Even the Vatican is in on the Bond-love. It has spent as much time on Bond's fiftieth anniversary as on the five-hundredth anniversary of the Sistine Chapel. All my friends love Bond. I'm pretty sure my editors love him. Am I the only one who will point out the obvious? That is, James Bond is a boring, tasteless rapist, and the only reason people go to see Bond movies is because they've already seen Bond movies.

What other reasons are there for seeing a James Bond movie? The action? The women? The stuff? The gadgets? The problem is that James Bond movies are terrible at all of them. An appraisal:

The action: A James Bond movie has never been the best action movie of its given year, and it's had twenty-three occasions to try. If you compare any James Bond movie to any old Steve McQueen movie, or more recently to the Bourne series, the comparisons never favor Bond, no matter which Bond is performing. It's not that there are no bright spots, but they're rare. About one-third of the movies have decent action sequences. No more. Those are not good odds.

The women: The new Bond is supposedly much more sensitive to women, what with Judi Dench playing M, but the scenario still reminds me of Two and a Half Men. All the women are either bimbos or crones. I've never understood the appeal of Bond girls. They're oddly prudish while being prurient, a British equivalent of Italian veline. Other action movies manage to have great women characters. At the top of the list would be The Thomas Crown Affair with either Faye Dunaway or Rene Russo. A recent episode of Homeland, with Claire Danes's subtle smile at the terrorist's door, was infinitely more erotic than anything in any Bond movie. Also: If you want to see attractive women, there are many, many outlets for seeing them naked. Bond's sexuality is not healthy, to put it mildly. The best James Bond movie, by far, is Goldfinger. It contains the best villain and really the only woman who is not a complete cipher, Pussy Galore. James Bond rapes her. Debatable, maybe, but I don't know how else to describe this scene, even taking the most charitable possible view. How many date-rapes can we specifically lay at the feet of this two minutes of film? Ten thousand would, I think, be a conservative estimate.

The "stuff": The original James Bond, from the novels, was written for postwar England, as fantasy for a battered population still suffering under rationing. Readers consumed James Bond because he was able to afford the better things in life — good food, good wine, good clothes, trips to exotic locations, and money to gamble with. The vaunted "Bond style" is really a misnomer. Bond doesn't possess any style at all, properly speaking. He possesses a price point. He eats and drinks and wears exactly the second-most expensive things in every category in the world. It does not take any brains to know that you're going to look good in a bespoke Tom Ford suit. That's why they cost what they do. The English gentleman type, which Bond does a poor imitation of, goes to a family tailor, has sentimental attachments to particular, often unknown, purveyors of Spanish riding boots, and wears family watches that ancestors wore into battle. Bond just buys the latest cool crap. His suavity is all purchased.

The gadgets: I have only one word to say about the gadgets: Skymall.

So, to sum up, the action is lame; the women are aimed at the fourteen-year-old boy demographic; the stuff is aimed at people with more money than judgment; and the gadgets are silly. When I was a kid growing up in Alberta, Canada, Bond showed me that there were men admirable for things other than keying beer, bush-fking, and bar brawling, and I'm grateful. But James Bond is what sophistication looks like to people who don't have any. Fifty years is enough. It's time to move on.
Back to top Go down
bitchcraft
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 2856
Member Since : 2011-03-28
Location : I don't know what things will be like in 3 years. I don't have 2020 vision.

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:10 am

Its author, Stephen Marche, is a douche bag. Skyfall set records everywhere...while his article will be forgotten by sundown.



Last edited by Mrs Aural Sects on Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:11 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Largo's Shark
Moderator
Moderator


Posts : 10600
Member Since : 2011-03-14

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:11 am

Quote :
The best James Bond movie, by far, is Goldfinger. It contains the best villain and really the only woman who is not a complete cipher, Pussy Galore.

How many Bond films has Mr. Marche seen? I'm betting about four.

Here's what he thought of DJANGO UNCHAINED:

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/django-unchained-oscars-15102190
Back to top Go down
j7wild
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 2039
Member Since : 2011-09-10

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:26 am

Stephen Marche?

That name is so effeminate!
Back to top Go down
Prisoner Monkeys
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 2849
Member Since : 2011-10-29
Location : Located

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 10:12 am

I stopped reading after this:

Quote :
Everyone loves him. Why? He's a boring, tasteless rapist. He always was.
I can't recall a single scene in any of the films where Bond had non-consensual sex with someone.
Back to top Go down
Control
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 5137
Member Since : 2010-05-13
Location : Slumber, Inc.

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 10:49 am

"He always was."
"Bond just buys the latest cool crap. His suavity is all purchased."

laugh

Doubt he's read much of Fleming, too. His ideas of the novels were pretty vague.

Funny article, though. I bet he'll love Tyler Perry's next film.
Back to top Go down
Prisoner Monkeys
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 2849
Member Since : 2011-10-29
Location : Located

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 11:44 am

Yeah, the whole thing does come across as "Ive got an opinion that says something bad about something that is popular, so my opinion must be worth hearing".
Back to top Go down
CJB
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 3827
Member Since : 2011-03-14
Location : 'Straya

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:45 pm

James Bond is a straight, white male. He deserves nothing but unrelenting loathing.
Back to top Go down
Control
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 5137
Member Since : 2010-05-13
Location : Slumber, Inc.

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:14 pm

Lately, a lot of critics seem to consider Bond a rapist.

Back to top Go down
CJB
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 3827
Member Since : 2011-03-14
Location : 'Straya

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:26 pm

Seems to stem from the nonsensical view that Bond raped Severine.

If I was having a shower and a naked chick came into fuck, I'd be all for it.
Back to top Go down
Makeshift Python
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 6800
Member Since : 2011-03-14
Location : Up

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:43 pm

CJB wrote:
Seems to stem from the nonsensical view that Bond raped Severine.

If I was having a shower and a naked chick came into fuck, I'd be all for it.

But according to the media, all women are abstinent! Sex is the last thing on their minds, while men can never stop thinking of it. Chauvinistic pigs!
Back to top Go down
Control
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 5137
Member Since : 2010-05-13
Location : Slumber, Inc.

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 2:35 pm

CJB wrote:
Seems to stem from the nonsensical view that Bond raped Severine.

Critics missed a lot of things in that scene. Ambler did a nice run-down of it in an earlier post.


James Bond: serial rapist since 1953
Back to top Go down
Largo's Shark
Moderator
Moderator


Posts : 10600
Member Since : 2011-03-14

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:28 pm

This "reviewer" (I refuse to call him a critic) is such a hipster. Just look at his other articles.
Back to top Go down
Perilagu Khan
Chief Executive
Chief Executive


Posts : 3464
Member Since : 2011-03-22
Location : The high plains

PostSubject: s   Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:15 am

CJB wrote:
Seems to stem from the nonsensical view that Bond raped Severine.

If I was having a shower and a naked chick came into fuck, I'd be all for it.

Actually, it stems from the au courant view that heterosexual sex is rape.
Back to top Go down
Perilagu Khan
Chief Executive
Chief Executive


Posts : 3464
Member Since : 2011-03-22
Location : The high plains

PostSubject: s   Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:17 am

Python wrote:
CJB wrote:
Seems to stem from the nonsensical view that Bond raped Severine.

If I was having a shower and a naked chick came into fuck, I'd be all for it.

But according to the media, all women are abstinent! Sex is the last thing on their minds, while men can never stop thinking of it. Chauvinistic pigs!

Never met one who was abstinent. Met a few who were obstinate, unfortunately.
Back to top Go down
Santa
Senior Correspondent
avatar

Posts : 697
Member Since : 2011-08-21

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:22 am

Quote :
Pussy Galore. James Bond rapes her. Debatable, maybe, but I don't know how else to describe this scene, even taking the most charitable possible view. How many date-rapes can we specifically lay at the feet of this two minutes of film? Ten thousand would, I think, be a conservative estimate.

One of those 'if he had a brain he'd be dangerous' situations. Anyway we all love 'the sweet tang of rape', you know.
Back to top Go down
Vesper
Chief Executive
Chief Executive
avatar

Posts : 1041
Member Since : 2011-03-14
Location : Flavour country

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:50 pm

A bit rich for a writer for Esquire, a magazine designed to shill decidedly middle-market, affordable 'stylish' men's products to the masses, to bag out James Bond for buying his suavity.

Also the Django review is hilarious.

"What America Can Learn From Duck Dynasty"

laugh
Back to top Go down
Captain Arthurs
Trainee Correspondent
Trainee Correspondent
avatar

Posts : 18
Member Since : 2011-04-10
Location : England and Switzerland

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Sat Apr 20, 2013 8:16 am

Quote :
What other reasons are there for seeing a James Bond movie? The action? The women? The stuff? The gadgets? The problem is that James Bond movies are terrible at all of them.

That must be one of the silliest things I've heard anyone say.
Back to top Go down
6of1
Correspondent
Correspondent
avatar

Posts : 137
Member Since : 2011-03-21

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Wed May 08, 2013 3:09 am

Vesper wrote:
A bit rich for a writer for Esquire, a magazine designed to shill decidedly middle-market, affordable 'stylish' men's products to the masses, to bag out James Bond for buying his suavity.


QFT

Bond films are to all intents and purposes the cinematic equivalent of Esquireism at least since GE. And used to be filmed Playboy Christmas editions before that.
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest
avatar


PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Wed May 08, 2013 4:58 am

I suppose that we all get disillusioned with James Bond from time to time. Well, I know I do. Maybe I've been at this game too long after 20 years.
Back to top Go down
Carruthers
Correspondent
Correspondent
avatar

Posts : 31
Member Since : 2013-12-14

PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   Mon Jan 13, 2014 5:41 am

What an arse that wrote this drivel.
Back to top Go down
http://www.thebondologistblog.blogspot.co.uk
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)   

Back to top Go down
 
Why I Hate James Bond (from Esquire)
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Bond And Beyond :: Bond :: Bond: General News & General Discussion-
Jump to: