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Guys can usually stay faithful unless they are far away from home, pissed up, and manage to still pull a bird.

Isn't it like religion? You start off with a belief in something, and after awhile the belief either becomes dogmatic or you make excuses for not following it to the letter. [Either that or you have my perfect marriage where I want not for anything else, but maybe that's because I'm diabetic,colorblind and could never deal with Craig playing Bond. ]

On a primal level it doesn't seem likely to be natural. Then again, according to something I read from editor/genius Walter Murch, the principal genetic distinction between man and monkey is that with man, the brain grows first, and the skull grows after, whereas it is reversed with the apes. That would suggest that man doesn't HAVE to follow the animal example, and might even be coded to do something different.

Is monogamy natural? Well, what does natural even mean? I'm guessing it means in this instance basic human instinct uninformed by social or cultural pressures. Unfortunately we can only imagine what that is.

I will note that romantic love seems to give birth to expressions of perpetual, undying affection in a way that strikes me as more instinctual than not, but that is just loose observation on my part.

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Erica Ambler wrote:

I think part of the problem is that most of us think of monogamy entirely in its sexual aspect. Yet I suspect social monogamy is desired by many people. it's the other areas they have difficulties with.

So you think the ideal would be so called open relationships?

It's a rather sweeping statement. Monogamy works for some. Not for others.

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Social organization definitely comes into play here. The procreative aspects of sex strongly shaped moral conviction about monogamy in past centuries. Now effective contraception and abortion have completed changed the landscape of sexual behavior. Can the classic family unit survive open relationships, or is thatthe classic family unit already obsolete? If so, what should replace it?

Monogamy is for some...just as an open-relationship is for others. Some of my best mates are in those, and I do get a kick knowing there are some husbands and wives who want a go at me.

Mr Dog and I have discussed things...we haven't actually fully indulged yet but have been to a few parties where the flirting and petting has been....heavy...

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There's not much of a point in getting married these days, is there? How many of you are divorced and actually consider going through it again?

Seems like a sure-fire way to go bankrupt and lose friends.

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Control wrote:

There's not much of a point in getting married these days, is there? How many of you are divorced and actually consider going through it again?

Conversely, I never thought I'd be a wife, (far less a mom), but have been married for 6 years. Seen 3 other friends and one cousin have their marriages collapse in a shorter time-frame...

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Erica Ambler wrote:

Married for six years, eh? Look out for the seven year itch.

We're both aware of that....which is why open-relationships has been a topic of discussion.

We had one when we were dating...and Mr.Dog would often comment that I got hit on by more girls than him. Let's just say my experience in that department outnumbers his...and he loves it. :face:

Willpower, some imagination in the bedroom, a couple of cute kids and a big bank account. If somebody has that lot and can't be monogamous and appreciate having that lot, then.... :|

Monogamy is a very romantic idea and I am a romantic - which is not to say I've always been able to practise it. I think anyone is capable if they find the right person and the circumstances are right (pretty much as Lazenby describes them, depressingly). Unfortunately it's too easy to mistake 'the right person', and I reckon that's where it goes wrong most of the time.

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Fuck off.

And I'm too old to believe in Mr Right. It's about opting for a lifestyle as much as a person. There was an entertaining programme on about an STI clinic in Manchester last night. It made me soooooo glad I know who I go to bed with at night.

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And when I go to bed with my dog?

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Erica Ambler wrote:

No one knows who they go to bed with at night. It's the risk you take.

And speak for yourself. I know exactly who is in my bed.

Vico was right. Monogamy isn't natural, but we were a bunch of shit-covered, shameless giants before we discovered it.