Cheesiest Bond Movie?

Between the Tarzan yell, Bond taming a tiger, Bond dressing as a clown, a women-only island, Q saving the day with a hot air balloon, a band of women fighting in bikinis, Bond hitchhiking with Germans offering him schnitzel and weiners, and the tennis fight, was this the cheesiest Bond movie in the franchise?

KingCobra686 wrote:

Between the Tarzan yell, Bond taming a tiger, Bond dressing as a clown, a women-only island, Q saving the day with a hot air balloon, a band of women fighting in bikinis, Bond hitchhiking with Germans offering him schnitzel and weiners, and the tennis fight, was this the cheesiest Bond movie in the franchise?

Diamonds are Forever....can't stand it.

Die Another Day.

I actually find TSWLM to be the cheesiest. Those love scenes are some of the poorly scripted and acted scenes in the series. 

Th problem with OP is that the script goes wacky and the film overall has a feeling of flatness or going slightly stale. The film is not bad and in comparison to today's features is downright Shakesperian.

But the odd out of place humor attempts really kill anything in that moment-the Tarzan yell, the carpool scene and others-but some of the ones mentioned above tie into the film's attempt to mimic Raiders of the Lost Ark which should have been followed more closely and not loosely following a draft from the writer of Flashman.

Like DAD I find a lot of the flaws in OP to be mostly cosmetic. Trim the excesses (in OP's case, the silliness like the Tarzan yell, tennis gag, etc) and the film is already in the top 10. 

Of course, then you need to recast Vijay and Maud Adams, and get a better DOP, but the storyline is one of the strongest in the series, right up there with FRWL, GE and SF.

FieldsMan wrote:

I actually find TSWLM to be the cheesiest. Those love scenes are some of the poorly scripted and acted scenes in the series. 

They are even below cheesy. They are...

"You have killed my lover. I must kill you now"

*roger moore eyebrow*

Nah, I'd rather kiss you and have sex with you...

I don't mind the idea of that, since it's supposed to show Bond's magnetism. I was referring to:

"I've seemed to have missed dessert"
The entire seduction on the boat in Egypt
Bond and Anya on the train. 

Moore and Bach's acting in film is some of the worst in the series, so their attempts at drama does feel cheesy at times. 

I'd be interested to get lachesis' opinion on this actually (he hasn't popped in for a while, come to think of it) as he refers to John Glen's drama scenes as flat, but surely Bond's admission to Anya takes the cake.

Never been big on that scene on the boat. Cheese to the max. The 70's sci-fi sound effects after Anya knoks Bond out with the durrie doesn't help.

FieldsMan wrote:

I don't mind the idea of that, since it's supposed to show Bond's magnetism. I was referring to:

"I've seemed to have missed dessert"
The entire seduction on the boat in Egypt
Bond and Anya on the train. 

Moore and Bach's acting in film is some of the worst in the series, so their attempts at drama does feel cheesy at times. 

I'd be interested to get lachesis' opinion on this actually (he hasn't popped in for a while, come to think of it) as he refers to John Glen's drama scenes as flat, but surely Bond's admission to Anya takes the cake.

This is actually one of the scenes I object to when it comes to feminism, because it portrays a serious lack of loyalty. Triple X swears to kill the murderer of her lover and although we agree that he was not the most charismatic chap in the world, I find this quick change of mind rather disturbing and even offensive. She has actually sex with the murderer of her former lover despite knowing that he has murdered her former lover.
Women are fickle beings who drop their loyalties when exposed to the sheer magnetism of Bond? When you have the right charisma women will forgive you everything? And women betray everything if the sexual attraction is strong enough?
And why would Bond even want her? A woman, or a human being in general, who is so cold-blooded that she sleeps with the murderer of her former lover just like that? Would Bond shrug his shoulders when confronted with the murderer of one of the girls? I don't think so. But the character of Ania is problematic in general.

Triple X is so disinterested in everything; she's like sleepwalking through everything. She changes the setting of the submarine-car and just says "I have stolen the plans last year". She never shows any emotion at all. She's pretty disinterested in everything that happens around her.

And, in the long run, I think this curious behaviour accounts for the cheesy scenes. Plus we all know all along that had had sworn to kill the murderer of her lover, which adds some extra momentum to the love scenes of Triple X and Bond. That is an element of suspension running throughout the whole film - "What will happen when she finds out that it is Bond?" and then she doesn't even blink. They built up an arch of suspension and then it all just disintegrates. This is a serious flaw in story-writing, if you ask me. Lost potential.

As for the boat....I actually love the boat scene because here, Bond overestimates his magnetism. She's playing him, so, all of the cheesy stuff is her getting the better of Bond. It's not real; that's what makes the cheesy stuff way less cheesy.

But, to come back to the original topic, I also agree with ironpony that OP is very cheesy in some parts. I think it is the colour scheme. All scenes shot at the women-only-island have a really unnatural, dream-like colour-scheme which helps to generate this cheesy air. It is a very paradisiac setting (I mean, at least for Bond), which feels very cheesy to me.

I find the violence, racism and ailurophobia of Tom and Jerry highly distressing. It should be reclassified for, like, old people only. You know, the stupid over-30s.

Erica Ambler wrote:

I find the violence, racism and ailurophobia of Tom and Jerry highly distressing. It should be reclassified for, like, old people only. You know, the stupid over-30s.

Tom and Jerry  has better plot-lines than this stupid disintegration of tension in TSWLM.

I would Diamonds Are Forever is probably the cheesiest one, and is definitely more cheesy than Octopussy.

DAF is a lot of things, but I don't know about cheesy. I associate cheese with negative connotations and  I'm positively amused when watching DAF.

Some if it positively cheesy, some negative.  It was a mix of both for me.  The elaphant winning the slot machine and the freak show scene, was negatively cheesy, where as Blofeld dressed like a woman to escape the casino, and Jimmy Dean, more on the positive side, and flips back and forth like that for me.

Treating it as an absurdist black comedy is apparently the spirit to watch DAF in. Myself, I'd be happy enough if Connery's last Bond had been YOLT ... Diamonds and the lacklustre TB remake that was NSNA are not the farewell(s) to the part I'd have wanted for him.

I definitely like NSNA better than DAF. I don't mind cheesy outings as long as they have good action scenes that compliment the cheese such as Moonraker and Octopussy, but DAF has possibly the worst action scenes in the whole series besides TMWTGG.

Plus even in other cheesy Bond movies, Bond is still his usual smart self overall, where as Bond in DAF seemed unusually clumsy, such as allowing a strange woman to get that close to him to knee him in the groin, when he knew they were likely villains, or how he figures out that Mr. Wint was the one who kidnapped him from his aftershave and then he calls Wint out on it, but then allows Wint to go all the way behind him and get a chain around his neck.

If we're talking cringe-inducing cheese, I'd say CR06 is up there... Between the train scene, Bond in M's apartment, moments through the Madagascar/Miami chase sequences, the "little finger" scene, etc., it produces more than enough groans due to its sentimentality and/or self indulgence.

Tend to forget about the little finger line and how at first you think she's taking the mick and then realise she's being serious.

Nothing is as cringe inducing as some of the dialogue between Bond and Jinx, especially as the director has his actors ham it up, like Berry's delivery of "oh, I think I got the... THRUST of it".

I thought the dialogue between Bond and Jinx was really funny, and I laughed by butt off at that thrust line, and so did my friends? Wasn't it suppose to be funny?

It's supposed to be funny, I just didn't think it was.

I thought it was really funny.  Die Another Day is one of the most hated Bond movies, which I don't understand cause as far as campy entries go, it is one of the better ones IMO, and do not get all the hate for it, especially when DAF, LALD and TMWTGG, are far more cheesy in my opinion, yet DAD is considered one of the dumbest, which just boggles me in comparison.

To me DAD is just bad riff on a Moore style film like MR. It's not the worst Bond film though, I rank TND and TWINE right at the very bottom. TMWTGG is ranked right above the three mainly because of its squandered potential and contrived plot.

That said, Mankiewicz had cleverer dialogue than the majority of the Brosnan era. His cuffs and collars line alone assures that.

Oh okay, I thought Mankiewicz dialogue was actually more cringeworthy then DAD, with lines like "a genuine Felix lighter", or "With that kind of money, I'll take you to a Ku Klux Clan cookout".  I'll take Jinx's thrust line over those anyday.