One Night Stands - Where (if anywhere) do you draw the line?

We've probably all had one nighters at one point or another, but have you ever had one which you knew was just so plain wrong that even at the time you thought "I'm gonna go to hell for this?" or somesuch dilemma....?

Or, to put it less melodramatically, have you ever just crossed certain lines in your choice of one-nighters which you probably shouldn't have crossed?


Six sets of questions, hopefully there'll be plenty of opinions here on this stuff.....

1. The Drink Issue: If a woman/man was so completely and utterly plastered that you knew she/he wouldn't go to bed with you in a million years sober and probably wouldn't even know what she was doing even during the act, would you still do it? Or have you done it? Where do you draw the line with regards to how much of your one-night partner's faculties are actually intact at the time?

2. The Marriage Issue: How much (if at all) would a man/woman being married put you off sleeping with them? And would you risk it if you knew his/her spouse was somebody truly not to be messed with?

3. The Promiscuity Issue: If you've gotten "well in there" with someone who has a reputation for having "had practically everyone" at some point or another, to the point where the person is viewed as trashy, dirty, common, a "slag" etc, does it put you off at all or would you just get on with it?

4. The "Public Knowledge" Issue: If you know that your one-nighter will become public knowledge due to either the person you've "picked up" or the presence of people you know during your "pick-up", and you know you're gonna get stick or trouble for your "conquest", how much would it put you off, if at all?

5. The Drugs Issue: If you know that a woman is clearly under the influence of drugs during a "pick-up", would this put you off? And if so, how much? Are there limits or would you simply take no chances when it comes to drugs and refrain from the "pick-up"?

6. The Location Issue: Are there limits to what type of woman/man you'd deem appropriate/trustworthy to take back to your place? Also, if you couldn't take him/her back to either your place or theirs, how far would you go to make the "conquest"? Would you do it outside? Find a toilet cubicle? Do it in the car? What locations are acceptable (or acceptable risks) to you?

I've never had a one night stand.

Honestly. Never. You don't want to believe everything you read on the loo walls in Baker Street.

Well - you can believe some of it.

It's nothing to do with morality - it's simple OCD. I like to know someone a bit better before making the beast with two backs. Like - when was the last time they showered, are they likely to be crap in the sack, are they likely to beat me black and blue afterwards. I have to feel comfortable with someone before putting myself in such a vulnerable situation, and that's not going to happen when I've just met someone.

Having said that, I'd screw Richard Armitage in a heartbeat. Wouldn't even have to think twice.

1. Couldn't shag someone pissed - would be too worried that a) they wouldn't perform; but more importantly, b) they'd throw up on me

2. Marriage - hmmmm...... I'd like to say it would stop me, but I'm honestly not sure. It would stop me making the first move, but would it stop me if the guy came onto me, and he was gorgeous? I don't honestly know. I'd like to say I'd be honourable and do the decent thing, but I wouldn't actually rely on it. If he's married, it's his look out. His wife, not mine.

3. Promiscuity. Only from the point of view of catching something.

4. Public Knowledge - would having the world and its dog know I've shagged X stop me? Probably not. As long as he wasn't a complete minger and therefore an utter embarrassment.

5. Drugs. Wouldn't touch a bloke on drugs with a bargepole, for the same reasons as 1

6. Location. Toilet - you're kidding, right? With my OCD? No way in hell. Car? Depends on the car. Gear knobs can be tricky buggers. Taking him back to mine, or going back to his raises the whole trust issue again. I have trust issues. I don't like being in a vulnerable situation. So - the location would be that would keep me honest. That, and the cleanliness issue.

Gawd - I feel positively virtuous. Hang on while I go and kick a puppy.

Actually, Rave.... your answers were not too surprising. YAY for OCD.




1. Since I'm not interested in anyone who's not interested in me, the drink issue doesn't really come into play as a draw. Simply put, no, I would not sleep with someone who would only sleep with me drunk. I know we are talking about one-night stands, but I avoid super drunk even in a relationship.

2. Have not and would not sleep with a married man. If they were technically married but had been separated for some time and that was clear, sure, that's different. But you are talking about sleeping with a person who is cheating on his spouse. No way. It's rare you'll find a person willing to cheat on his/her partner who doesn't lie about other things. Cheating and lying are big turn-offs.

3. Promiscuity - I don't care if someone's had 3 or 10 cars... if they have crashed all of them, I'm not going to lend them my car. So, like Rave, safety first here. What is their usual practice and one what do they insist? Those are far more important than numbers.

4. Public knowledge - This may have stopped me in my 20s when what others thought determined what I thought of myself but it wouldn't be a deciding factor nowadays.

5. Drugs - Have to agree with Rave here.... too many variables to chance. Not interested.

6. Locale - If I don't trust them enough to take back to my place, I'm certainly not going to spread my legs for them. As for where, outside of either person's flat... no bathrooms, ewwwww.... car would be fine... a park could work - especially if one had a blanket in the too-small car... someone's office maybe... but it's not going to be some piss-soaked alley behind the bar, that's for sure.

retrokitty wrote:

Actually, Rave.... your answers were not too surprising. YAY for OCD.

It has its uses.

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6. Locale - If I don't trust them enough to take back to my place, I'm certainly not going to spread my legs for them.

And I think this is the big difference between men and women when it comes to answering this question - a man isn't going to have the risk of assault high on his list of dangers when shagging a random woman. Whereas a woman is probably going to wonder, at least briefly, whether she'll be lucky to come away with just a black eye.*

Having said that, 'Imself's one night stands took place in 1) a hotel; and 2) the woman's house after she picked him up in the pub and took him home. So obviously some women are more trusting - or just less paranoid - than others.


*having said that, a long-term relationship is still no guarantee that you won't end up with a black eye and bruised ribs. Voice of experience here.

Ravenstone wrote:

*having said that, a long-term relationship is still no guarantee that you won't end up with a black eye and bruised ribs. Voice of experience here.

:shock: I've been involved with one man who ended up scaring the bejeezus out of me but it never got to the point of actual physical violence, thank God. Sorry to hear you've not been as fortunate Rave... :|

Salomé wrote:

Sorry to hear you've not been as fortunate Rave... :|

Thanks, but quite honestly, I don't let it bother me. Like I'm going to give the sad bastard the opportunity to fuck me over twice - I don't think. Told myself a long time ago that getting knocked down is one thing, but lying down and taking it is being a victim.

Wouldn't suggest that mind-set would work for everyone, and probably not for those who had it worse than me, but it works for me.

Anyway - moving on......

Ravenstone wrote:

Having said that, 'Imself's one night stands took place in 1) a hotel; and 2) the woman's house after she picked him up in the pub and took him home. So obviously some women are more trusting - or just less paranoid - than others.

Or some women size up the gent and know that he's safe. Is it easy to tell that 'Imself is an alright bloke?

retrokitty wrote:

Is it easy to tell that 'Imself is an alright bloke?

Actually, yes. And - to be brutally honest (and given that he's a younger version of Midge Ure) - he's good-looking enough that you'd probably risk it ;)

Although, for Ms Paranoid 1987 here, just having an instinctive feeling that a bloke isn't an homicidal maniac probably isn't enough. I mean, I bet every single one of Ted Bundy's victims thought, 'He seems an alright bloke'

Assuming I was in the mood for a ONS (am not admitting to having actually done it~~~)....

1. I'd have to be guilt-free and will consider each situation on its own.

2. It would be amazing for my own sexuality, a chance to experiment, explore, try something with no strings attached. Sex can be reassuring, even therapeutic, assuming everything goes right between the chase, the pick-up, the actual act and the allure of it all.

3. The majority of my friends would never know, except someone I trust completely with tales of my sexcapades. I don't want to be judged. This person will know where I am and to check up on me...and more likely than not, see us together before we go somewhere private. He or she might even be in the room next door. You won't know that.

4. Expect a thank you, but not a next day e-mail or telephone call. I'll be gone, you're never likely to see me again.

5. I pick the place. It will be clean, and meet some other personal standards. I do not fuck in cars. My idea of being down and dirty does not include a toilet, you will turn me off. (Unless it's my own bathroom of course).

6. I want to be in total control of my faculties. I'm still in control after a drink...but no drunkedness, no drugs.

7. The fact that I'm with you means there's a huge attraction, and not necessarily because you're cute. Enjoy it, you'll get some good action because of it.

8. You'll play by my rules and know what's off limits.

9. Certain rules can be bent, at my discretion, not yours.

Assuming I've never done this....it's not a ONS anymore when you do it again with the same person.

Lazenby. wrote:

1. The Drink Issue: If a woman/man was so completely and utterly plastered that you knew she/he wouldn't go to bed with you in a million years sober and probably wouldn't even know what she was doing even during the act, would you still do it?

You should be aware that In England and Wales this is classed as rape.

One of the last acts of the Labour government was to pass a law stating a woman is not reponsible for her own behaviour if she's drunk. Therefore any sexual act she consents to whilst under the influence is technically rape, for which the maximum sentence is life imprisonment. Needless to say, if a man is drunk and taken advantage of, no such laws apply.

At the same time, Labour put on the statute a law making any man who pays a prostitute guilty of a criminal act even though prostition is not illegal. These laws were modelled on Swedish laws, one of which led to Julian Assange being charged with rape after having consensual sex with a woman who regretted it the following day.

Interesting times.

Avarice wrote:

At the same time, Labour put on the statute a law making any man who pays a prostitute guilty of a criminal act even though prostition is not illegal. These laws were modelled on Swedish laws, one of which led to Julian Assange being charged with rape after having consensual sex with a woman who regretted it the following day.

Interesting times.

So you mean an escort who advertises her services at €400/hr per outcall on a classy escort site can sue her client after a romp in a UK hotel? Shouldn't there be more rich escorts in the UK?

I wonder how many UK hookers know that?

That's why Baker Street's still in business, Dogster.

Mrs Aural Sects wrote:

you mean an escort who advertises her services at €400/hr per outcall on a classy escort site can sue her client after a romp in a UK hotel? Shouldn't there be more rich escorts in the UK?

The new law's aimed more at the massage parlour segment of the market. Punters have to prove to the police that their choice of entertainment has not been trafficked, which involves checking passports, IDs and a thousand other things. Oddly enough, many choose not to bother... I imagine Ryanair et al are finding an increase in weekend traffic out of the UK.

As for escorts, they generally get rich by shopping their clients to the newspapers not the police.

Prostitution is too complex an issue for me to revert to platitudes. However, the idea that the legalization of the practice will magically solve all of the problems related with it is a pipe dream. Ample proof of this exist in countries with legal prostitutes. Even libertarian societies tend to have have a hypocritical stance towards prostitution.

Society has a hypocritical attitude to sex full stop; prostitution is a tiny aspect of that.What consenting adults get up to should be nobody's business except their own.

For what it's worth, the best account of how prostituion shoud work in any sensible society may be found in SuperFreakonomics. Don't expect that book to be added to any school curriculum soon.

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1. The Drink Issue: If a woman/man was so completely and utterly plastered that you knew she/he wouldn't go to bed with you in a million years sober and probably wouldn't even know what she was doing even during the act, would you still do it? Or have you done it? Where do you draw the line with regards to how much of your one-night partner's faculties are actually intact at the time?

Wouldn't touch a drunk guy with a barge-pole

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2. The Marriage Issue: How much (if at all) would a man/woman being married put you off sleeping with them? And would you risk it if you knew his/her spouse was somebody truly not to be messed with?

If I know he's married, it's a no go. If he lies and I find out, I expect him to die, whether his name's Bond, or not...

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3. The Promiscuity Issue: If you've gotten "well in there" with someone who has a reputation for having "had practically everyone" at some point or another, to the point where the person is viewed as trashy, dirty, common, a "slag" etc, does it put you off at all or would you just get on with it?

men don't tend to get called 'slags' though, do they?

Again wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole...

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4. The "Public Knowledge" Issue: If you know that your one-nighter will become public knowledge due to either the person you've "picked up" or the presence of people you know during your "pick-up", and you know you're gonna get stick or trouble for your "conquest", how much would it put you off, if at all?

This depends on who the guy is...

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5. The Drugs Issue: If you know that a woman man is clearly under the influence of drugs during a "pick-up", would this put you off? And if so, how much? Are there limits or would you simply take no chances when it comes to drugs and refrain from the "pick-up"?

Where did I leave my barge pole?

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6. The Location Issue: Are there limits to what type of woman/man you'd deem appropriate/trustworthy to take back to your place? Also, if you couldn't take him/her back to either your place or theirs, how far would you go to make the "conquest"? Would you do it outside? Find a toilet cubicle? Do it in the car? What locations are acceptable (or acceptable risks) to you?

Would never take a man back to mine for a one nighter, nor would I go to his....a hotel will suffice, although the older I get, the more paranoid I get, so I probably wouldn't have a one nighter at all these days...
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retrokitty wrote:

Is it easy to tell that 'Imself is an alright bloke?

he's got a right shifty look in his eyes

If she looks good, there's nothing wrong with a quickie.

Lobelia Overhill wrote:

he's got a right shifty look in his eyes

That's cus he's too vain to wear his glasses all the time :D

Done plenty of these when I was in my prime.....I guess the chase was always the best part for me though.
The drunken shag when hitting the bed was never as good as the horny hangover one in the morning.

But then a bit of shame kicks in, and I was always quick to make a sharp exit afterwards, jumping into the nearest cab.

Not all its cracked up to be, but on occassions it was great!

I don't do one night stands. I like to know the people that I have sex with.

Iceskater101 wrote:

I don't do one night stands. I like to know the people that I have sex with.

Sometimes that makes the sex go downhill after :oops:

Mrs Aural Sects wrote:

Sometimes that makes the sex go downhill after :oops:

I've had a few one nighters. To be honest, I've never really felt the guilt and shame after, I've always walked out of her place feeling pretty bloody spiffy about myself. I don't see anything to feel guilty about anyway - you were both up for it, you bonked. You might take her number after, you might never see her again. End o' the day, you both just got some sex...however sloppy it may have been.

jet set willy wrote:

Done plenty of these when I was in my prime.....I guess the chase was always the best part for me though.
The drunken shag when hitting the bed was never as good as the horny hangover one in the morning.

But then a bit of shame kicks in, and I was always quick to make a sharp exit afterwards, jumping into the nearest cab.

Not all its cracked up to be, but on occassions it was great!

I find this a recognisable description.