What would you consider the wittiest exchange in a Bond film?

I want to know what Skyfall has its best contenders for wittiest Bond dialogue/response/comment ever...

I don't think any comment from Solace was worth remembering but I stand to be corrected.... :roll:

For me THUNDERBALL and DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER take the cake, but I'm a bit too tired to provide examples right now. Still missing your ass, Dog..

Definitely DAF, especially:

"I tend to notice little things like that - whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette."
"And which do you prefer?"
"Provided the collars and cuffs match..."

And:

"Hi, I'm Plenty!"
"But of course you are."
"Plenty O'Toole."
"Named after your father, perhaps?"

And most of Wint & Kidd's byplay.

DAF is a treasure trove. Messrs Wint and Kidd especially.

I also like Bond's verbal smackdown from another one of Mankiewicz's entries, TMWTGG:

Bond: How will I recognize him?
Anders: Tall, slim, and dark.
Bond: So is my aunt. Anything distinctive about him?
Anders: Yes, but how can I tell you? He's not like other men. He has three...
Bond: Fascinating anatomical tidbit. But probably the most useless piece of information I've ever heard. Unless, of course, the Bottoms Up is a strip club and Scaramanga is performing.

The real smackdown comes just after that:

"Why should you trust me?"
"I don't. But neither will Mr. Scaramanga trust you if he gets to hear of this little conversation. Who knows? He may even use one of those little golden bullets on you. And that would be a pity...because they're very expensive!"

Ouch!

Moore's Bond is such a dick in TMWTGG, no wonder I tend to think it was his best portrayal of the character.

I wish Mankiewicz had stuck with the series longer, I think TSWLM and MR could have used more of his work but I know he was too busy with SUPERMAN I and II to finish a final script. I like the unused dialogue he wrote for TSWLM where Anya mentions seeing the film footage of Bond and Tanya in bed from FRWL.

There are many lines and exchanges, so proabably missing some gem, but the ones that immediately Come to mind.

From Russia with love
"The girl left screaming!", "Found your technique too violent?"

Thunderball.
"Some men don't like to be driven", "No Some men just don't like to be taken for a ride"
"You know much about guns Mr Bond", "No but I know a little about women"
"You mind if my friend sits this one out, shes just dead!"

Diamonds are Forever
"As long as the collars and cuffs match"
"Alimentary Dr Leiter"
"Hi I'm Plenty", "But of course you are", "Plenty O'Tool", "named after your Father perhaps?"

"She likes you, I can see it
"You must give me the name of your occulist."

guess it's more the delivery than anything

Mrs Aural Sects wrote:

I don't think any comment from Solace was worth remembering but I stand to be corrected.... :roll:

How about, "YOU AND I HAD A MUTUAL FRIEND"

CJB wrote:

Moore's Bond is such a dick in TMWTGG, no wonder I tend to think it was his best portrayal of the character.

That scene is one of the only times I think Bond's just being an asshole.

lachesis wrote:

"Some men don't like to be driven", "No Some men just don't like to be taken for a ride"
"You know much about guns Mr Bond", "No but I know a little about women"
"You mind if my friend sits this one out, shes just dead!"

*claps*

This is my favourite:

"Thank you, Mr...?"
"James Bond. I arrived soon after you went down. I've been admiring your form."
"Have you now? Your name's James Bond and you've been admiring my form?"
"Most girls just paddle around. You swim like a man."
"So do you."
"Well, I've had quite a bit of practice. Do you come here often?"
"When I'm bored. Practically every day."
"What else do you do, and where?"
"You don't waste time, do you?"
"No."
*Domino hands Bond a starfish* "For effort."
"I'll wear it so you'll know me next time." *Bond checks out mole on Domino's thigh* "I was right. Couldn't miss."
"I'm not with you?"
"Oh, you soon will be."

Not to mention "wait till you get to my teeth"!

That's a great exchange in TB, overall the flick has very good dialogue.

Some of my favorites:

Kerim Bey: "Limpet mine on the wall outside, timed to catch me at my desk. The girl left in hysterics."
007: "Found your technique too violent?"

Felix Leiter: "Fine way to treat the CIA!"
007: "Sorry about that Felix, but you were just about to say 007."

007: "Now there is a lady..."
Jim Fanning: (some kind of disapproving line, forget what it is exactly)

007: "She'd certainly bear closer inspection."
Sir Godfrey Tibbett: "We're on a mission."
007: "Sir Godfrey, on a mission, I am expected to sacrifice myself."

Saunders: "But my plan, my escape route, how will you get out?!"
007: "Sorry old man, paragraph five, section four (something like that), that's on a need-to-know basis. I'm sure you understand."

007: "Let's say I'll sleep on the idea."
Marc Ange Draco: "You do that."

007: "In London, April's a spring month."
Jack Wade: "And who are you? The weatherman? Oh for crying out loud, another stiff-***** Brit, with your secret codes and your passwords. One of these days you guys are going to learn to drop it. Come on, my car's over there."
007: (jabs Wade with the PPK) "As you said, drop it."
Jack Wade: "All right! In London's April's a spring month whereas in St. Petersburg, we're freezing our butts off! Is that close enough for government work?"
007: "No. Show me the rose."
Jack Wade: "Please, no! (jabbed with PPK again) All right, all right, all right!" (shows him "Muffy")
007: "Muffy?
Jack Wade: "Third wife. Jack Wade, CIA."
007: "James Bond, stiff-***** Brit."
Jack Wade: "Haha, that's a nice move."

If I had to choose the movies for wittiest dialogue, I'd probably choose FRWL, TB, DAF, LALD, TMWTGG, OP, AVTAK, TLD, GE, TND, and DAD.

DIE ANOTHER DAY - wittiest dialogue? Blimey!

Care to provide any examples?

Sharky wrote:

DIE ANOTHER DAY - wittiest dialogue? Blimey!

Care to provide any examples?

Certainly!

007: "Plenty of ice, if you can spare it."

Miranda Frost: "I know all about you, 007. sex for dinner, death for breakfast, well it's not going to work with me."
007: "No?"
Miranda Frost: "No. Are we still being watched?"
007: "Oh, they left ages ago."
Miranda Frost: "Oh, you're impossible!"

007: "You better stay here for the night, to keep up the charade of being lovers."
Miranda Frost: "I must admire your restraint. We were here a full two hours before anything blew up. The way you're going you'll get us both killed."

Jinx: "James! Here for the birds this time, or for the view again?"

007 "Oh I'm sorry, would you like to continue?"
Gustav Graves: "Of course I want to bloody continue!"

007: (to Miranda Frost) "Thank you. Would you like to show me more?"

Peaceful Fountains of Desire: "I'm not that kind of massuese."
007: "Uh-huh, I'm not that kind of customer."

Honey Ryder: Are you looking for shells, too?
Bond: No, I'm just looking.

00Beast wrote:

Sharky wrote:

DIE ANOTHER DAY - wittiest dialogue? Blimey!

Care to provide any examples?

Certainly!

007: "Plenty of ice, if you can spare it."

Miranda Frost: "I know all about you, 007. sex for dinner, death for breakfast, well it's not going to work with me."
007: "No?"
Miranda Frost: "No. Are we still being watched?"
007: "Oh, they left ages ago."
Miranda Frost: "Oh, you're impossible!"

007: "You better stay here for the night, to keep up the charade of being lovers."
Miranda Frost: "I must admire your restraint. We were here a full two hours before anything blew up. The way you're going you'll get us both killed."

Jinx: "James! Here for the birds this time, or for the view again?"

007 "Oh I'm sorry, would you like to continue?"
Gustav Graves: "Of course I want to bloody continue!"

007: (to Miranda Frost) "Thank you. Would you like to show me more?"

Peaceful Fountains of Desire: "I'm not that kind of massuese."
007: "Uh-huh, I'm not that kind of customer."

You definetly picked out some of the better lines. Another of my favourite exchanges is

"Chang: Hong Kong's our turf now, Bond.

Bond: Well, don't worry. I'm not here to take it back."

@Sharky: Haha, yes indeed, I was going to put that line by Chang in my list, but I couldn't remember what line followed his.

Mr. Brown wrote:

Honey Ryder: Are you looking for shells, too?
Bond: No, I'm just looking.

Only Bond can make perving seem non-creepy.

And then F***S the lady by the end of the movie.

Heroic.

Could you provide some examples of TND, 00Beast? I love hearing others talk of TND positively :)

FieldsMan wrote:

Could you provide some examples of TND, 00Beast? I love hearing others talk of TND positively :)

Absolutely!

Here are some the best I can think of, I'll try and put some more up tomorrow.

007: "And I thought listening to your TV shows were torture enough."
Carver: "(sigh)...Stamper, save this one until last."

Q: "Talk here, listen here."
007: "So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years."

Carver: "That's very interesting, Mr. Bond. Perhaps I should commission you to write a novel."
007: "Oh heavens no, I'd be lost at sea....adrift..."

Fatima Blush: "Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet."
James Bond: "Yes, but my martini's still dry."

Have always liked that one, perhaps down to Connery's delivery more than anything else.

G section wrote:

Fatima Blush: "Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet."
James Bond: "Yes, but my martini's still dry."

Have always liked that one, perhaps down to Connery's delivery more than anything else.

Definitely one of the true gems of Never Say Never Again! Most of the dialogue with Blush is quite witty, especially in the scene where she has Bond at gunpoint in the warehouse.

Fatima Blush: "The greatest rapture of my life was afforded me on a boat in Nassau."
007: "Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this girl in Philedelphia."
Fatima Blush: "SHUT UP!"

Hahaha, I love that line by Connery, he nailed it.