The Avengers ::: 4 May 2012

Every time an audience laughs or claps in the theatre, Sharky drops points against the movie.

In his verison of THE AVENGERS, Captain America shoots himself upon discovering the nature of modern society, Iron Man is forced into an existential crisis when is trapped alone in the suit without power for hours and must contemplate the results of his selfish life in complete darkness, the Hulk becomes aroused by Black Widow and murders her accidentally when trying to rape her, Thor and his brother express their family issues by staring silently across a kitchen table at each other for twenty minutes before finally breaking down and crying, and all of the SHIELD characters are killed by the alien invaders along with most of the East Coast as a final retribution against American foreign policy. The aliens are themselves defeated by the poor management and inefficient leadership of their commanders, showing that there is no true heroism in the world, and that incompetence and apathy are the only saviours of mankind. However, so as not to create a solely "joyless" experience, the soundtrack will largely be made up of Beach Boys tunes whose juxtaposition with on-screen events would demonstrate the inherent foolishness of taking anything on the screen seriously.

Fairbairn-Sykes wrote:

In his verison of THE AVENGERS, Captain America shoots himself upon discovering the nature of modern society, Iron Man is forced into an existential crisis when is trapped alone in the suit without power for hours and must contemplate the results of his selfish life in complete darkness, the Hulk becomes aroused by Black Widow and murders her accidentally when trying to rape her, Thor and his brother express their family issues by staring silently across a kitchen table at each other for twenty minutes before finally breaking down and crying, and all of the SHIELD characters are killed by the alien invaders along with most of the East Coast as a final retribution against American foreign policy. The aliens are themselves defeated by the poor management and inefficient leadership of their commanders, showing that there is no true heroism in the world, and that incompetence and apathy are the only saviours of mankind.

Is that Sharky's version of THE AVENGERS, or Alan Moore's?

Harmsway wrote:

Is that Sharky's version of THE AVENGERS, or Alan Moore's?

Alan Moore's AVENGERS would have more rape scenes and Fury would get sodomised by Loki.

Come one Sykes, you can do better than that.

1. I'm not a nihilist.

2. I'm not a World Can't Wait activist.

3. The film would be scored by me.

Harmsway wrote:

Fairbairn-Sykes wrote:

In his verison of THE AVENGERS, Captain America shoots himself upon discovering the nature of modern society, Iron Man is forced into an existential crisis when is trapped alone in the suit without power for hours and must contemplate the results of his selfish life in complete darkness, the Hulk becomes aroused by Black Widow and murders her accidentally when trying to rape her, Thor and his brother express their family issues by staring silently across a kitchen table at each other for twenty minutes before finally breaking down and crying, and all of the SHIELD characters are killed by the alien invaders along with most of the East Coast as a final retribution against American foreign policy. The aliens are themselves defeated by the poor management and inefficient leadership of their commanders, showing that there is no true heroism in the world, and that incompetence and apathy are the only saviours of mankind.

Is that Sharky's version of THE AVENGERS, or Alan Moore's?

Haha, yeah after I wrote that I realized it sounded less like Sharky and more like an attempt at "grim n' gritty" Avengers à la Alan Moore or Mark Millar, although Millar already did THE ULTIMATES. I was trying to think of everything I hate about SUPERMAN RETURNS, and everything I like about IRON MAN and company, and reverse that into being what you like and hate about those same projects and then apply that to Avengers. But yes, it is far too bleak and nihilistic to be a movie Sharky would like.

Fairbairn-Sykes wrote:

Every time an audience laughs or claps in the theatre, Sharky drops points against the movie.

In his verison of THE AVENGERS, Captain America shoots himself upon discovering the nature of modern society, Iron Man is forced into an existential crisis when is trapped alone in the suit without power for hours and must contemplate the results of his selfish life in complete darkness, the Hulk becomes aroused by Black Widow and murders her accidentally when trying to rape her, Thor and his brother express their family issues by staring silently across a kitchen table at each other for twenty minutes before finally breaking down and crying, and all of the SHIELD characters are killed by the alien invaders along with most of the East Coast as a final retribution against American foreign policy. The aliens are themselves defeated by the poor management and inefficient leadership of their commanders, showing that there is no true heroism in the world, and that incompetence and apathy are the only saviours of mankind. However, so as not to create a solely "joyless" experience, the soundtrack will largely be made up of Beach Boys tunes whose juxtaposition with on-screen events would demonstrate the inherent foolishness of taking anything on the screen seriously.

Makeshift Python wrote:

Fairbairn-Sykes wrote:

Every time an audience laughs or claps in the theatre, Sharky drops points against the movie.

In his verison of THE AVENGERS, Captain America shoots himself upon discovering the nature of modern society, Iron Man is forced into an existential crisis when is trapped alone in the suit without power for hours and must contemplate the results of his selfish life in complete darkness, the Hulk becomes aroused by Black Widow and murders her accidentally when trying to rape her, Thor and his brother express their family issues by staring silently across a kitchen table at each other for twenty minutes before finally breaking down and crying, and all of the SHIELD characters are killed by the alien invaders along with most of the East Coast as a final retribution against American foreign policy. The aliens are themselves defeated by the poor management and inefficient leadership of their commanders, showing that there is no true heroism in the world, and that incompetence and apathy are the only saviours of mankind. However, so as not to create a solely "joyless" experience, the soundtrack will largely be made up of Beach Boys tunes whose juxtaposition with on-screen events would demonstrate the inherent foolishness of taking anything on the screen seriously.

Fangtastic.

j7wild wrote:

Erica Ambler wrote:

Just SMS'd Brown and he says go ahead ASAP. He's ready to right-click.

done:

https://bondandbeyond.forumotion.com/t833-scarlett-johansson-self-nude-photos#23735

Avengers Box Office Update:

Monday-$7,923,789

Terminator 2: Judgment Day: $385,358,500
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: $381,006,000
Marvel's The Avengers: $380,995,436
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: $380,051,500
Toy Story 2: $378,865,200

All grosses adjusted for ticket price by Box Office Mojo

Oh God, was GRINCH really a hit back then? It seems like the world has completely forgotten about it (which isn't a bad thing).

People paid money to see THE GRINCH?

Not only did people pay money, but THE GRINCH was the number 1 movie in the US in 2000.

Ouch.

Not looking up the box office hits of that year at the moment, I'm really having a hard time trying to recall what other hits came out that year. Only one that comes to mind THE PATRIOT, or as Tux calls it BRAVEHEART. Must have been a really dull year for cinema. Then there's X-MEN, which I really loved when I saw it and am still fond of to this day.

But I do remember some real stinkers. BATTLEFIELD EARTH and DUNGEONS & DRAGONS.

The crazy execs in LA must've believed in Y2K and chickened out of backing anything good.

I'm just looking at Box Office Mojo's 2000 top hits. Kind of crazy to realize how different the early 2000s were given how comic book superhero movies were very sparse with X-MEN being the only one in 2000 and in 2001 they're practically nonexistent.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE II was probably the last BIG traditional summer blockbuster that wasn't a comic book adaptation or fantasy.

Makeshift Python wrote:

I'
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE II was probably the last BIG traditional summer blockbuster that wasn't a comic book adaptation or fantasy.

There was Rush Hour 2 in 2001. After that, it gets a bit sketchy. There are arguments for The Da Vinci Code and Inception to be included in the fantasy category, but I don't agree.

Comic book adaptions, sci-fi and fantasy has always drawn well over the summer. For something else to top the charts is the exception rather than the rule. That would be Top Gun in '86, Beverly Hills Cop 2 in '87, Forrest Gump in '94, Saving Private Ryan in '98, and MI:2 in '00.

Makeshift Python wrote:

Only one that comes to mind THE PATRIOT, or as Tux calls it BRAVEHEART.

I do?

Wow, GRINCH was #1. Somehow it doesn't surprise me being a family holiday film and all. I actually saw it with my family. Ugh, two thing I can't stand: Jim Carrey and Ron Howard-directed movies. Of course, Ron Howard himself seems like such a nice guy. And he was on THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW and so flawlessly narrated ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, so I can't hate the man.

Tuesday: $8,477,854

The Lost Word: Jurassic Park-$395,286,800
Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade-$391,378,600
Marvel's The Avengers-$389,473,290
The Hunger Games-$387,870,286
Spider-Man 3-$387,401,200

Avengers is only behind Spidey 1 and 2 in ticket sales for the Marvel pantheon in the US.

I like some Ron Howard movies. Okay, really only APOLLO 13 and FROST/NIXON but I really like APOLLO 13.

I hated FROST/NIXON. Sanitised and pussified Nixon for the Hollywood left. Glad Peter Morgan dropped out from SKYFALL.

SPLASH is fun through. Enjoyable fluff, and Daryl Hannah's smoking.

Fairbairn-Sykes wrote:

I like some Ron Howard movies. Okay, really only APOLLO 13 and FROST/NIXON but I really like APOLLO 13.

I was gonna say, I do like APOLLO 13. Haven't seen FROST/NIXON.

Sharky wrote:

I hated FROST/NIXON. Sanitised and pussified Nixon for the Hollywood left.

I find Nixon to be the most fascinating modern President, along with Johnson. But I haven't seen Stone's NIXON or FROST/NIXON. Did like the movie DICK, which I haven't seen since Felt came out.

THE AVENGERS should have had a reanimated Nixon.

Stone's NIXON is great. Probably his finest film.

Sharky wrote:

Stone's NIXON is great. Probably his finest film.

Yep.

The White Tuxedo wrote:

THE AVENGERS should have had a reanimated Nixon.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvYm68dOQ4k