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I believe "Diamonds are Bullshit" was the name of a "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead"-like spec script that focused primarily on Wint and Kidd.

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I'm picturing something akin to the Brazilian kids show that once featured on the Simpsons.

'On top of - beneath! On top of - beneath!'

The title song would have been quite epic had it been this.

In more civilised times weren't the bride's family meant to give the groom a herd of goats or something? Y'know, an actual income-producing asset.

Now the groom is expected to hand over an overpriced blood diamond on a platter with his testicles. Fuck off.