Police Academy (1984-1994)

Ha, they can but try. Plus the prostitute.

I realised that one great loss really is Debralee Scott. No PA film can be complete without her athletics to stop Fackler from driving.

If anyone fancies it, I have now managed to upload all of the first film's soundtrack (missing Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, but you know). Some of the tracks go live 25th March at 1200 (GMT), but it's there if you like.

I've put it into a playlist.

Looking on IMDB for something else and saw a Police Academy "in development". Scant details, Brian Levant directing, the Maslansky's producing so tried to find stuff and the only bit I could find was a year ago.

Quote :

It looks like the streaming wars are what it’s taken to bring the Police Academy movie franchise back to life.

One of the by-products of more and more studios launching, or becoming affiliated with, streaming services is the deeper raiding of back catalogues to find new productions to fill them up with.

For Warner Bros, its efforts are going into the HBO Max service, which is its answer to Disney and Disney+. There aren’t actually firm plans to launch HBO Max in the UK, rather that it’ll likely fold into Warner Bros’ close relationship with Sky over here.

Nonetheless, Warner Bros is now reported to be working on at least ten films a year exclusively for HBO Max and its partners, and it turns out that one of them might be the long-mooted new Police Academy movie. Some form of reunion sequel has been rumoured for a good decade and counting, and according to Moviehole, the idea would be to use some of the original crew in bringing the franchise back to life.

It’s still all a way away if indeed it’s happening. But this also feels like the closest we’ve been to Police Academy 8 in a very long time…

More as we hear it.

Nothing story I suppose on something that's been rumbling forever like the rumours I heard years ago of a When Worlds Collide remake or whatever.

Maybe they should just rip off Pink Panther and have Captain Harris go utterly nuts and goes on a crime spree just to get back at Mahoney who's now Chief of Police.

Hope it goes somewhere. Comedy, as a genre, is pretty much dead so I'm not holding my breath.

Ditto not holding my breath. If they can get the likes of Guttenberg, Winslow and Bailey back I'd be watching it. I'm curious as to Thompson and Barbara's lives after the first film. Shame they never stayed for at least two more films.

Won't get Eric Lassard back though as Hesseman is dismissive of PA2.

Ah yes, Barbara should've made a comeback.

"But it's our stuff..."

Absolute kickass moment. Satisfying moment really.

Kids these days will never understand why tossing a 1-hour photo stall into a river is a dick move.

That's true. On the commentary, they say that they very nearly lost Donovan Scott as it's about to pass under the bridge. You see it give a violent lurch before the camera cuts.

As I say, I heard -on commentary and elsewhere, there was a much longer cut of the film that had they left it as such the film would've gotten a X certificate.

Won't hold my breath on a Criterion Carey Mahoney Extended Cut anytime soon.

On that ... struck me upon watching it last night, I heard no f-bombs. And it was a post-watershed screening, so it wasn't that reason (and all other 'adult content' was intact anyway).

They just mustn't have been there to begin with.

It is funny how for a film of its type, there's not really any swearing. Nothing heavy anyway. Few shits but it's 'PG' in that way. The rating was made up by the comedy :)

A pre-watershed version would be briefer by far. Well, briefer. PA2 gets a little trim, chiefly as two topless women appear at the start when Mahoney's chasing a 4x4 on the beach.

I don't think the lack of f-bombs detracts from the film, but it's interesting that they still let Copeland fire off a few racial slurs (in fact I'm fairly sure I only know those terms thanks to Police Academy... luckily no Australian cheese makers share a name with those particular Americanisms).

British stand-up Stephen K Amos on discovering 'Coon Cheese' while in Oz -

It does make for a good toastie.

Followed up with a Golden Gaytime for dessert.

In the same year Michael J Fox was meeting his parents via a DeLorean, Roger Moore's Bond bedding women half his age or thereabouts and a few other things, a bunch of semi-competent cops (well not if you're Fackler) are recruited to help out a precinct in trouble...

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

The one other PA I willingly return to. Brace yourselves.

In: Cpt Pete Lassard*, Proctor, Mauser, Mr Sweetchuck, Zed, Kirkland (plus her parents and brother), Schtulman* (and LA as a location)
Out: Harris, Callaghan, Thompson*, Barbara*, George Martin*, Blankes, Copeland, Mrs Fackler (and Toronto as a location)

*never to return

Kirkland reappears only in PA3 as does Mrs Fackler (the much missed Debralee Scott) and Blanks and Copeland.
Mr Kirkland reappears in 3,4,5 and 6 (Bud I believe in at least 2)

Anyway. The cops are ready for their first job but is the city for them?

With the characters established (well, the original few) in the first film via their "how did they end up in the Academy" montage, we have one for now. This after Mr Sweetchuck locks up his lamp shop with more security than Alcatraz. From locks, a Dirty Harry (Sudden Impact) cardboard cut-out to electrified barbed wire and shutters. We briefly meet Zed who on one hand is the least intimidating gang leader but also the wackiest.

Tack has a fine intro, getting a petulant brat to go to school ("I'll go when I'm ready!/'You're READY NOW MISTER!"), Jones doing SFX for an obnoxious yuppy couple and of course, there's Mahoney. Living it up on Venice Beach to the tune of Dirty Work and gets to sort out a scuzzball who's tearing up his beach (the scene is slightly edited on TV because of very brief shot of topless women).

The 16th Precinct is in the shits. Everyone from old women to the kid on the street is terrorising the place (hence the Chief turning up and getting egged like he's just walked into a chicken hut).

We get to meet Pete Lassard for the only time (I read someplace that Hesseman, more famous for things like WKRP etc doesn't like any mention of PA2...sad, as I quite like Pete Lassard) who has had enough and it probably isn't helped by having the anal retentive Mauser and his dippy assistant Proctor hanging about. Mauser is Harris-ish of course and there's no mention of Harris (possibly still recovering from the cadets and the horse's arse). Supposedly Harris cameos at Tack's wedding but meh. It's up there with Maud Adams in VTAK.
Mauser returns in PA3 with his own police/army academy and Proctor ends up becoming Harris' stooge by PA6.

Having recruited six of our heroes (boy I wish Thompson was in this one or Callaghan) we segue into it. In a scene that still makes me chuckle, Mahoney gets to a tailor for a new pair of trousers and inserts a balloon up his shorts to impress the woman- "Please, be gentle..."
Mahoney is than paired with a slob, Schtulman and eventually his huge dog Lou.

Hightower gets to sort out a couple of street punks with a football, Tack is paired with Sgt Kirkland on motorbikes (the then stone-cold fox that is Colleen Camp. Bar PA3, I only recall her in a strange Starsky & Hutch episode and Election as Reese Witherspoon's mother). Tack is instantly taken by her and you can see why. She's strong, keen on guns and takes no shit.

All our heroes end up at Sweetchuck's and destroy the place. If TJ Hooker was being ridden about pranging his squad cars, shooting dead a street punk who killed his partner, well...Fackler gets a few shots off then Tack gets a couple off AND it's Kirkland who machine guns the place up destroying most of the lamps left standing (accounting at least, I'm guessing, 90% of the 1200 rounds Mauser says is fired). Poor Hooks spend the entire film operating the dispatch and being made fun of by Mauser (as Harris does when first meeting her and in the classroom).

Mahoney wins over Lassard with a rousing if corny (but it's Mahoney so it's fine) speech.

At the bar Tack seeks Mahoney's advice on women, Kirkland. Two things are surprising, Tack is 28 and well he's never been with a woman which brings the entire bar to a silent standstill.

"Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you to knock?"
"It depends."

After a decidedly un-PC joke about black faces Mauser hops into the shower which spawns another great Mahoney moment. In revenge for being put on traffic duty in the road tunnel, Mahoney swaps the shampoo for Tack's Poxy-resin

"How long does it take?
-Seconds
-How long does it last?
-For years." followed by the second of many Mahoney expressions of incoming genius (and leaving Mauser with palms like the Teen Wolf's)

In a moment of madness (at least), Lassard goes to take on some punks in an alleyway. Except of course he gets outnumbered and spraypainted like a downtown bus. Lassard gets so damn inspired the gang get all psyched and it leads to a set of clips of them making busts (and furthering Tackleberry and Kirkland's relationship). Jones goes all Bruce Lee on two goons who apparently work for Zed but seem too old for his gang, Zed's lost all seem in their twenties, these guys are forties at least.

What film wouldn't be complete without the Blue Oyster? Brilliant brief few seconds as the goons pursuing Sweetchuck face the patrons and then boom. Curious how Proctor knows the address straightaway...Hightower sorts them all out and possibly came to grief afterwards.

Mauser pisses in the breakfast of Lassard saying that most the charges had to be dropped during the arrest spree. As Lassard falls to bits, Mahoney in a rare display of seriousness for the films really warns Mauser about what he's doing.

In a rare soft moment, as it were, for the series Tack and Kirkland wine and dine followed by one of the greatest comic movie scenes. The outtakes for this must exist somewhere. Gun after gun until one goes off half-cocked.

Mahoney now kicked out along with Lassard and Scthulman, goes undercover as a street punk and quickly, easily, infiltrates Zed's gang. What takes an entire season of The Wire, Mahoney does in 5mins.

Soon as that starts, Tack goes to meet his potential in-laws who are all nuts with father and son knocking ten bells out of each other. On this viewing I twigged a couple of odd looking photos. One of Mr Kirkland face all worked up and Kirkland herself in a gun pose. A rare moment where Tack is stunned into silence.

Not long after meeting Zed at the Old Zoo Mahoney's pisspoor microphone reveals who he is. Zed gets all pissed as the music kicks in and what happens next is a moment to rival but not quite surpass the call to riot gear from the first film. As the 'riot gear' music creeps in, Lassard sends the word out: "997 at the Old Zoo, a 997..." we see Fackler and his inept partner, Hightower taking tickets and Hooks who immediately summons her friends: "Mahoney's in trouble!" Proctor then gets knocked out by Hooks.

Very brief moment really, not even 90seconds but for a moment it was up there. PA3 possibly is the last film to rival a serious call to help when Mahoney et al hop on jetskis to save the mayor.

The Old Zoo features in a few cop shows of the 70s and 80s. I was sure it was in Anchorman but my, er, zoos are muddled.

Mahoney and Zed fight to the death, words you won't read again. This is where Thompson returning might have worked best. Their on-off relationship saved by her running into the fray to save Mahoney. It reverses the first film but fuck it.
It's funny but of all the characters, Jones is the only one to use his gun remotely right (by firing a warning shot over the heads of the gang). His SFX scatters everybody a la the rioters in the first film.

One by one the gang (except Fackler) save the day. Again this is one reason I like Pete Lassard, you could've had him running the officers with his brother in the background as such. As it is, we get (I assume though it's not said in PA5) his numbnuts Mahoney rip-off son Nick for PA5's and 6.

In the only PA wedding, Tack and Kirkland gets hitched (this is the most Hooks gets to do, as a bridesmaid, indeed it looks like the female tailor Mahoney tried to impress earlier is the other bridesmaid).

"Mahoney, how are you? We've missed you at the Academy.
[Mahoney goes to kiss his cheek] Not that much."

And there it is. A snip at 83mins and the last solid not-that bad PA.

I uploaded the Mahoney's in trouble bit...



...and for fun put two PA1 tracks to it

PA2 is certainly one of the good ones. PA3 is also not bad, if only for Zedd and Sweetchuck.

As always, these write ups inspire me to watch, so I certainly hope to in the next few weeks.

Glad if anything to inspire something PA3 has its moments, I think until I saw PA1 it was my most watched PA film. Has that song moment where some of the cast sing with inspectors looking glumly on and the aforementioned jetski chase.

Funny how these films look film to film considering they came out year after year. One and Two have a sort of seventies look but 3-6 decidedly 90s. I can't remember 7 saying I only saw it the once twenty-five years ago.

PA1 certainly has that tail-end of the disco era vibe to it.

A 25 year gap between viewings of PA7 is prudent. From memory, it felt like a made-for-TV film (not helped by the random bloke as the lead actor... can't even picture what he looks like). Now that movie had a decidedly 90's feel to it, with a plot revolving around GameBoys and set in the slapstick shitshow that was Russia under Yeltsin.

I think my memory of it is like yours. I seem to remember a scene on escalators, the lead walking into a bathing pool or some such ("Hello ladies!") and the end titles the main cast riding horses...

...I believe the lead actor, Charlie something or other, was mostly famous for Diagnosis Murder.

I kind of want to watch PA7 for shits and giggles. But then I've suffered enough in life.

It does have Christopher Lee in it. Probably his worst film until Lucas and Jackson respectively roped him into their terrible prequels.

You forget how many films he's done, like Michael Caine, and just what dross is in that body of work.

I don't even think a cameo by Yeltsin could've saved that film or even Guttenberg.

PA7 is a film too D-grade for even the Guttmeister.

Very true.

Apparently he got some of the PA mob to do one of those straight to DVD monster/horror films or whatever they were. Some Sharknado type thing. The late Marion Ramsey and Leslie Easterbrook at least. But three's better than nothing.

I fear we've lost enough of the Police Academy fraternity. I was looking at the IMDB homepage, the 'born today' bit caught my eye and it appears that Art Metrano (a.k.a Captain Mauser, PA2 and PA3) passed on September 8th. Today would've been his 85th.

Aside from a great guest spot on Starsky & Hutch and an episode of Hunter I fearfully know him more for PA but beyond the films he had a great reputation as a comic actor and stage performer.

Mauser was a great character in his way, of course in PA2 he's a Harris replacement but he was his own man really (for one he had Proctor to help/not help) and Mahoney inspired some great moments.

Damn. Might need to chuck on PA2 in his honour. "You'll go blind" scene was the best.

R.I.P.