How to Survive 14 Months of Torture in North Korea

My brother (Sleeper Armstrong) and I were just discussing this.

Ever wondered how to survive fourteen months of torture in a North Korean prison?
One man 'reflects' on his experience...


"North Korea? A close shave. Thought I was finally facing my Waterloo. I still have wet dreams about it."

James Bond achieved this feat, and so can you. Neal Purvis and Robert Wade show us how.


"I don't condone what they do here."


"Tell it to the concierge."


"Still you jest. Defiant to the last."

14 MONTHS AGO...


"BLLLBBLB-BBLLAR-BBLGH"


"So this is North Korean baptism eh?"


"BBBLLALBLBLB-BURBLLAR-BBLBGH"


"This is a hell of a way to moisturize!"


"This'll really make waves back at MI6."


"BLLABRLBBLB-BBLLARRR-BBLAGH"


"Are you pregnant? Because I think your water just broke."


"You really know how to drown a man in affection."


"The real torture's not having any hair conditioner."


"BLBBURBBLLARB-BBBARB-BLLAR-BUBLGH"


"You can lead a clotheshorse to water, but you can't make him drink."


"Can I get a slice of lemon peel with this?"


"BULLLARBBLB-BBURBLLAR-BBLLLGH"


"Mmm, I can see this is getting you wet as well."


"I always fancied a quick morning splash between us."


"Fetch some apples and we can go bobbing."


"BLURBBLBL-BLUUUURB-BBAARGH-BLLAR-BLGH"


"Water you want from me?"


"You're really dampening my spirits, you know that?"


"I can do this all day, I'm not wet behind the ears."

I was expecting an actual guide...



but this will do.

I can do the under the water pain face so I'll survive, no probs.

and the fact I'll never go to N Korea will help..

The best line was this one;

"BLLABRLBBLB-BBLLARRR-BBLAGH"

Don't remember seeing this before but it's outstanding.

CJB wrote:

Don't remember seeing this before but it's outstanding.

Somehow I missed this as well. Too many damn subforums in this section, I suppose. A gem.

I do miss our Louis Armstrong. Too many good members no longer around.

There's so much on this forum that sort of died when we first came here, left it because old forum was still going and returned. Internet version of going from the Poseidon Adventure to Beyond the Poseidon Adventure.

Ah, I miss the days of a James Bond with good diction. Even during torture.

I'm crying tears of laughter. I needed this so badly.