A short...

http://vimeo.com/33916711

Feedback is appreciated. I especially want to know what you dislike about it, to give me an idea on where I can improve.

Very nice Brown. The quality of the video was sensational. What canon camera did you use? Some interesting choices for camera angles, which I liked. Interesting that you didn't score any of it... why is that? And the acting could have been a bit better, but technically, it was a shit load better than anything I've done.... :oops:

Liked:

- Shot v. well.
- Simple and clever execution.
- I thought the editing worked rather well - I'm usually not a fan of split screen shots but they worked here.
- Except the one where the shot of jonesing smoker was sharing the frame with the shot of the girl (my technical linguo sucks, sorry ). Firstly, because I think it gave away the twist too easily, which ruined any suspense for me, because you basically see him focusing on the cigarette, rather than the girl. Secondly, in contrast to the fucking fantastic split shot of the stop light and the smoker it looked a bit dull. Perhaps an over the shoulder shot of him noticing her (perhaps without the split screen) or something along those lines would've ratcheted up the suspense and just made certain the viewer thought he was perhaps after her rather than after a smoke.
- The use of silence worked fine here I thought. Didn't see any need for a musical cue.

Disliked:

- That my computer was screwing up the video quality.
- Perhaps would've had the guy yelling her down towards the end, a simple 'Hey! HEY you wait a minute!' thing, her reaction, and then asking her for the cigarette (probably to her relief) to increase a bit of suspense.
- That I called it the moment I saw a smoke enter the frame, though that could easily be the logline's fault more than the substance of the short

But overall very good work man.

FieldsMan wrote:

Very nice Brown. The quality of the video was sensational. What canon camera did you use? Some interesting choices for camera angles, which I liked. Interesting that you didn't score any of it... why is that? And the acting could have been a bit better, but technically, it was a shit load better than anything I've done.... :oops:

I used an HF20 to shoot this. I didn't want to imply a mood or tone through music, which is why I excluded it. I figure, with shorts, that I should focus on visuals above all, and can include music in more elaborate pieces in the future. Plus, I don't have access to a reincarnation of Bernard Herrmann or Jerry Goldsmith at this point in time.

As for the actors, I've read comments similar to yours. Might be my fault. I'm satisfied with their performances, though, and very grateful for their assistance.

Vesper wrote:

Disliked:

- That my computer was screwing up the video quality.
- Perhaps would've had the guy yelling her down towards the end, a simple 'Hey! HEY you wait a minute!' thing, her reaction, and then asking her for the cigarette (probably to her relief) to increase a bit of suspense.
- That I called it the moment I saw a smoke enter the frame, though that could easily be the logline's fault more than the substance of the short

But overall very good work man.

I was actually going to do a scene where he yells to her from the top of the subway steps, as she's moving down. And that would lead to him asking for a smoke. My schedule and the actors' schedules didn't work, so it never happened, unfortunately.

I appreciate the feedback, guys.

No worries!

Quote :

I was actually going to do a scene where he yells to her from the top of the subway steps, as she's moving down. And that would lead to him asking for a smoke. My schedule and the actors' schedules didn't work, so it never happened, unfortunately.

Makes sense, that's my biggest gripe and it's not like it's something that didn't occur to you, shit just didn't work out. That happens.

I didn't have any problem with the actors, fwiw. They were perfectly adequate considering it's just a short. It'd be a pretty rare actor who could make more of an impression in three minutes with no lines.

I enjoyed it a good deal. As said, it didn't need any music. The sounds of traffic is a kind of music in itself. It's shot well and it captures NYC at dusk better than anything I've seen in a while. Some of the split-screen stuff worked, though some of didn't. A couple of fancy shots looked like they were done for the sake of showing off rather than having much do with the film's ideas. The ending didn't quite work. There's no sense of pay-off. Maybe a shot of the girl walking off into the vanishing point on the street, with the credits following her? Doesn't need to be b/w, though you could do something interesting with the soundtrack at that point - like adding a low pass filter. The kind of sounds one hears when in the womb.

My biggest gripe would be the editing. It goes on too long without really going anywhere. A lot of it felt unnecessary, dare I say even gimmicky (that may be the point - ie. trying out different things). But this means that the tone is uneven and it doesn't always flow. I wasn't paying full attention, but it felt like "the line" may have been crossed on a couple of occasions also. Acting was fine, works best without a score (and as an ambience).

Brownster, have you thought about using a catadioptric (mirror) lens? Hasn't been explored much in the world of cinematography, but from what I've seen, it gives a very beautiful effec. If used right, it would definitely overcome some of the drawbacks of digital.







Almost like a painting.

Vesper wrote:

- That my computer was screwing up the video quality.

This was happening on mine too, not sure why?? It seemed staggered, I thought it was a vimeo thing since youtube vids play perfectly.

Might be Vimeo's compression settings. I'll upload a 720p version next week, and that might solve the problem. Sorry about that.

Sharky wrote:

Brownster, have you thought about using a catadioptric (mirror) lens? Hasn't been explored much in the world of cinematography, but from what I've seen, it gives a very beautiful effect. If used right, it would definitely overcome some of the drawbacks of digital.

http://forum.mflenses.com/userpix/201012/1100__IGP8174_1.jpg

http://forums.steves-digicams.com/attachments/pentax-lenses/167658d1292392734-vivitar-series-1-600mm-solid-catadioptric-f-8-lens-lens-_igp7298.jpg

http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4032/4543384947_a3e08a7f4d_z.jpg

Almost like a painting.

Interesting, Sharky. I'll read more into them. Those are some really gorgeous images.

Satorious wrote:

My biggest gripe would be the editing. It goes on too long without really going anywhere. A lot of it felt unnecessary, dare I say even gimmicky (that may be the point - ie. trying out different things). But this means that the tone is uneven and it doesn't always flow. I wasn't paying full attention, but it felt like "the line" may have been crossed on a couple of occasions also. Acting was fine, works best without a score (and as an ambience).

I can see how it would seem gimmicky because of the editing and screen separations. I really wanted to experiment with that.

Glad you thought the absent of music and acting was successful, though.

Sharky wrote:

A couple of fancy shots looked like they were done for the sake of showing off rather than having much do with the film's ideas. The ending didn't quite work. There's no sense of pay-off. Maybe a shot of the girl walking off into the vanishing point on the street, with the credits following her? Doesn't need to be b/w, though you could do something interesting with the soundtrack at that point - like adding a low pass filter. The kind of sounds one hears when in the womb.

I fucked around with the ending quite a bit. Originally, I was going to end it with him asking for a cigarette, and that's it. Then, I shot the scenes of him receiving the cigarette and walking away. I was going to use dialogue, but decided to keep it purely visual and wanted to see I could successfully imply what was going on when he first approached her. In regards to the B&W ending, I was running out of time for shooting and daylight. The exposures were godawful, and I couldn't get the actor back. So, I color corrected it and had it fade to B&W for extra visual flair. There's really no other point or meaning for the color change.

I think this turned out to be my most solid piece so far, in terms of getting what I wanted with visuals and from the actors. It's not perfect, though, and only really works as an exercise. At first, I was hoping to making an engaging short film. In the end, I think it just turned out being a visual exercise.

I don't think the actors were all that impressed with the final product, either. :silent:

I didn't even see this. I shall watch it soon.

Interesting. I've never shot a god damn thing in my life, so I don't know what kind of valuable feedback I could give. I'd have maybe had a few shots of them exchanging looks and she figures out what he wants.

But I like the idea, and the title.

Needs more tits, actually.

I don't know. The more I watch this, the more I hate it.

In comparison to the work of the men who inspired the short (De Palma and Truffaut), this looks like a bit of a mess. I seem to have a problem with the cinematography at the end, especially. Looks like something straight out of a amateur hack's demo reel. I'll stand by the sound work and the split-screens, though. I like how they turned out.


Alright, I've got to go to sleep so I can wake up early to bring CASINOROYALE his coffee on the set of TRANSFORMER 5.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Honestly, it's better than a lot of student and/or young filmmaker stuff I've seen. You know better than I do how shit that stuff can be.

I quite liked this. Very well shot. I enjoyed the NYC ambience. That's a nice area where the guy was sitting on the bench. The blonde was quite fetching. I can see why he followed/ stalked her. Better him than me. The rest of us would get taken down by a Swat team, after she pulled out her phone to report a stalker. Why didn't he try and make time with her after she gave him the cig? Isn't that the only reason guys bum cigs off women and vice versa? I used to smoke. I know how the game's played.

There are other variations on this theme you could apply. You could do a whole series.

Eg. Why is that guy watching that woman through the window while she gets ready for work in the morning? Is he a perv? A potential stalker or worse?

Then the guy knocks on the door. Yikes! But all he wants is to share a bowl of Shreddies, which he spotted on the kitchen table. So they sit down for breakfast and all is well.

Mr. Brown wrote:

I don't know. The more I watch this, the more I hate it.

Good. Not a harsh thing, but that's the surefire way to keep improving: never be satisfied.

Quote :

In comparison to the work of the men who inspired the short (De Palma and Truffaut), this looks like a bit of a mess. I seem to have a problem with the cinematography at the end, especially. Looks like something straight out of a amateur hack's demo reel. I'll stand by the sound work and the split-screens, though. I like how they turned out.

Like I said, the split screen of the stop sign as she puts the cigarette in her mouth really stuck with me. I think it was a great shot.

Also check your PMs. There's something not-very-exciting in a .pdf format in there.