Six Bond girls worse than Denise Richards

She is often credited as the worst by fans, and even on worst Bond girl lists.  But I find this surprising, as I don't think she is near as bad as a couple, and I can think of seven worse ones.

7. Tanya Roberts
I feel that her performance is worse than Richards perhaps but for some reason Richards gets more flak than she does.

6. Carole Bouquet
She seems very flat in her delivery, but also her eyes, like she just looks tired a lot, like she is just there to collect a paycheck.  Where as Roberts, at least seems like she wants to try more and has more passion.

5. Maryam D'abo
A lot of fans seem to like her but I find this to be really baffling, because she acts like such an overexcited school girl throughout the movie I found.  Her worst scene is when she says to Bond "You were fantastic!  We're free!", and shes says it so wide eyed, like she is so amazed, like a little girl, and it was so painful and cringeworthy to watch.  I just couldn't get past that in the character.  She acts overexcited similar to Bibi Doll, but at least Bibi Doll is an actual teenager, so I'd expect more from someone her age.

4. Mie Hama
I feel that the problem here, is that the actress didn't know what she was saying in English, or her lines.  She says them like she is saying them from memory, and I know she is trying to hard, but it does give for a worse performance than Denise Richards.

3. Akiko Wakabayashi
Her acting is a little better than Mie Hama, in the same movie, but I feel that her character is just perhaps a little more flat in some ways.  Like she does what needs to be done and says the lines, but she says it in a generic way, and perhaps smiles too much for an agent in the field, in a more serious situation.  Also in the one scene where she speaks Japanese, her acting seems better, possibly because she knows what she is actually saying there perhaps?

2. Gloria Hendry

She is a dumb character but her acting is also bad as well.  But she is not as man as Mary Goodnight, so I will still rank her as the worst.

1. Britt Ekland 

This is the worst Bond girl, for me probably, because she is such a ditz throughout the whole movie, and she is going to quit her government job, just because she didn't get to bang James Bond.  At least Christmas Jones is written better.
But what do you think?  Would you say these are worse, and maybe Richards isn't the worst, like she is often made out to be, by fans?

Braindead Rosie and Bibi

Well I didn't really count Bibi since she is only like in 10 minutes of the movie, but forgot about Rosie! That's seven. I'll add her to the list now.

I certainly think there's a case for Richards as Christmas Jones. I actually quite enjoy her scenes, particularly when she meets Bond and after the pipeline explosion. She's far from the worst, and considering she has about as much screen time as Severine, even if I did have major problems with her performance/character, she's hardly a dent to the bigger picture.

Overall, the worst for me would be:

2. Madeleine Swann
Like the Bond/Vesper romance, this is half baked too. Up until the train scene, there's absolutely no romantic interest from Swann to Bond and then suddenly she whips out a gorgeous frocks and they talk as if it's a long time coming. But I can't blame her: Bond used to have more tact in the game of seduction than ramming a plane up the ass of a car when she was sitting in the backseat. Charming. Then, after they have sex, she's fallen in love (and supposedly Bond has too, as it brings him back to consciousness as his brother tortures him. I can't believe I'm fucking writing this). And then she wants out and he's like "okay sure" and they part ways when none of the main villains behind this new scheme - and the death of her father - have been dealt with. And she's in a foreign city. And then Bond doesn't make use of his licence to kill because he sees her and then he retires. What the fuck? She doesn't make number because I find Seydoux more attractive and they also don't abuse a Fleming Bond girl, like...

1. Vesper Lynd
Her characterisation and how she's used is undeniably problematic, but what makes it worse is Eon have taken one of Fleming's greatest Bond girls and completely abused her. The feminist overtones, her dressing Bond as if he couldn't do it himself, Greene's smugness, the irrationality, and the erratic nature to their love story. It's so up and down with no sense of flow that I find it hard to buy their romance. Also, her death scene totally misses the mark, and her musical theme is too sanitary for what should be a complex character.

* * *

There are some other Bond girls I don't quite rate but I have less issues with them, and much has to do with the tone of the films they're in. I'm not crash hot on Rosie, Jinx, Holly, Kissy, Goodnight, etc. but they're not offensive as the above two Bond girls.

As for Kissy, I believe she was dubbed, so her tonality can't be attributed to Hama's performance.

Oh okay, I only saw Spectre once, so feel I need another viewing to confirm. As for Kissy, isn't she still actually speaking the English words though, or so it looks like, with someone dubbed over though? Or is she completely speaking Japanese. If so, it matches up better than other English dubbed movies, I have seen from Japan.

ironpony wrote:

Oh okay, I only saw Spectre once, so feel I need another viewing to confirm.

Don't do it! Don't put yourself through that!

ironpony wrote:

As for Kissy, isn't she still actually speaking the English words though, or so it looks like, with someone dubbed over though?  Or is she completely speaking Japanese.  If so, it matches up better than other English dubbed movies, I have seen from Japan.

Hama is still talking in English, but her voice was dubbed, but as you said this:

IP wrote:

She says them like she is saying them from memory

I figured you were referring to her tone of voice.

Oh well her tone too, but if she was dubbed, then it must be her acting than I am picking up on. I don't know there is just not much personality, in the two Japanese girls in YOLT.

I don't mind Aki. There's a nice playfulness to her, from her luring Bond to Tiger, to her 'you wouldn't look at another girl, would you Bond-son?' I'm also rather moved by her death scene, but that could be because of Barry's excellent music.

Oh okay, I felt that Aki's death was mishandled since after she is dead, Bond gets another girl right away, and they don't even have anything to acknowledge her death afterwards. But I also think large part of the problem with Aki and Kissy, is that they are portrayed as, I guess you could say Asian stereotypes, if that makes sense?

ironpony wrote:

Well I didn't really count Bibi since she is only like in 10 minutes of the movie, but forgot about Rosie!  That's seven.  I'll add her to the list now.

10 mins can be the going rate for a current day Bond girl...Solange didn't have much screen time either and her walnut-sized brain just made her practically useless anyway. Her best scene was as a corpse.

bitchcraft wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Well I didn't really count Bibi since she is only like in 10 minutes of the movie, but forgot about Rosie!  That's seven.  I'll add her to the list now.

10 mins can be the going rate for a current day Bond girl...Solange didn't have much screen time either and her walnut-sized brain just made her practically useless anyway. Her best scene was as a corpse.

Yeah but Bond didn't even sleep with her and rejected her, so are really going to count her? If we are counting her than I put her below Denise Richards as well.

bitchcraft wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Well I didn't really count Bibi since she is only like in 10 minutes of the movie, but forgot about Rosie!  That's seven.  I'll add her to the list now.

10 mins can be the going rate for a current day Bond girl...Solange didn't have much screen time either and her walnut-sized brain just made her practically useless anyway. Her best scene was as a corpse.

Not a fan of Solange?

Poor Villiers, it's definitely not a good day when you throw up in the course of your work.

Poor Xmas gets too much dirt thrown her way. It's the lack of reasons to be there in the script that lets her down.

At first Kara can seem too wide eyed-but one has to realize her character is a complete innocent who eventually shows some remarkable grit for a mere cellist. I ADORE that bit in the airbase jail where she gets all excited to Bond's exasperation. Equally I love that she gets upset or overwhelmed by events like a normal person would. The parting after meeting with Kamran is really well done and undervalued. I think the "back end of horse" line is truly inspired.

With Mie Hama I don't think she was revoiced by others but she was given the Kissy role because it specifically has so much less dialogue than Aki. It's also rumored that the actresses switched parts because of this. There's a certain charm to her "this is business" front which warms during the morning with the boats, finally relents during the mountain trek and culminates in "they'll never let you stay"-at least this gives a sense of Fleming's Kissy is only very VERY sparsely.

Aki and all the female roles in YOLT are specifically written in the TB formula because that's what Dahl was given instructions to do. They're wonderful in their own ways but have a more perfunctory role than an active one. I adore Aki though-I named my first car after her...I still miss that car! (1987 white Acura Integra...white like the 2000GT and Acura shortened to Aki)

I don't think the script lets Christmas down. It's not a huge part and there are glimpses into character ('avoiding those kinds of questions, just like you'). It's the stunt casting which turns people off. Personally, having first watched TWINE without knowing who Denise Richards is really helped in buying her in the role. And I think time is being kind to her. The initial shock of her casting is wearing off and people realise that she isn't actually that bad (or at least not worse than some of the girls ironpony mentioned above, and possibly many others).

I like Kara, and there was a time she would have been in my top 10 Bond girls. She still could be, but I just find others more attractive. d'Abo's performance is very good.

hegottheboot wrote:

Poor Xmas gets too much dirt thrown her way. It's the lack of reasons to be there in the script that lets her down.

At first Kara can seem too wide eyed-but one has to realize her character is a complete innocent who eventually shows some remarkable grit for a mere cellist. I ADORE that bit in the airbase jail where she gets all excited to Bond's exasperation. Equally I love that she gets upset or overwhelmed by events like a normal person would. The parting after meeting with Kamran is really well done and undervalued. I think the "back end of horse" line is truly inspired.

With Mie Hama I don't think she was revoiced by others but she was given the Kissy role because it specifically has so much less dialogue than Aki. It's also rumored that the actresses switched parts because of this. There's a certain charm to her "this is business" front which warms during the morning with the boats, finally relents during the mountain trek and culminates in "they'll never let you stay"-at least this gives a sense of Fleming's Kissy is only very VERY sparsely.

Aki and all the female roles in YOLT are specifically written in the TB formula because that's what Dahl was given instructions to do. They're wonderful in their own ways but have a more perfunctory role than an active one. I adore Aki though-I named my first car after her...I still miss that car! (1987 white Acura Integra...white like the 2000GT and Acura shortened to Aki)

Agree with all of this, particularly the bit about Kara, whom I like rather well, although she's far from the sexiest Bond girl.

I much prefer Aki to Kissy.

I agree. While I think Kissy is more beautiful, I too prefer Aki overall. More character, charm and time we spend with her.

Agreed the hate is likely from the stunt casting-but back then I didn't even think it was all that bad of an idea and when the character has nice one liners she handles it with aplomb. That makes it all the more annoying when she just becomes backup girl damsel for a bit in the climax.

Aki can do more than most people with one hand behind her back blindfolded. She saves Bond's life about 9000 times before sacrificing herself for him as well.

The only thing about Kara is that silly haircut they insisted on which always looks a bit dorky. It's far better when they style it for the opera scene for example. I will admit it was very weird to hear D'Abo's real voice for the first time in some of the making of documentaries!

I don't think Denise Richards was the worst (that's Tanya Roberts), but she certainly wasn't given much to work with. No good actress would have made the part work, as Christmas Jones only existed for two reasons: Nuclear detonation exposition and being there for Bond to lay in an inappropriate Roger Moore style ending after killing the real leading lady (Elektra) so not to upset people with a downer ending with Bond alone.

That said, I don't think Carole Bouquet and Maryam D'abo are worse than her.

Richards was simply miscast. A round-eyed Midwestern cheerleader just cannot convince as a nuclear physicist.

Makeshift Python wrote:

I don't think Denise Richards was the worst (that's Tanya Roberts), but she certainly wasn't given much to work with. No good actress would have made the part work, as Christmas Jones only existed for two reasons: Nuclear detonation exposition and being there for Bond to lay in an inappropriate Roger Moore style ending after killing the real leading lady (Elektra) so not to upset people with a downer ending with Bond alone.

That said, I don't think Carole Bouquet and Maryam D'abo are worse than her.

A brief visit from MP to BAB is incomplete without some TWINE bashing. Like clockwork.

Just doing my part.

Ha.

I will say that I think d'Abo is certainly stronger than Richards, but with Bouquet I'm less convinced.

I thought Bouquet was fine, but that's all.

I won't stand for d'Abo being put down either! As far as Richard goes, I pretty much view Christmas as just a secondary character who somehow got lucky to be the woman Bond sleeps with at the end since the actual leading lady died.

Makeshift Python wrote:

I thought Bouquet was fine, but that's all.

I won't stand for d'Abo being put down either! As far as Richard goes, I pretty much view Christmas as just a secondary character who somehow got lucky to be the woman Bond sleeps with at the end since the actual leading lady died.

For once I agree with you.