BondCapCon - You Were Expecting Someone Else?...

Forster: "Shit, I've got a whopping headache coming on"
Giannini (turning away in disgust): "Been watching the dailies of all your shakycam shit again?"

Welcome back, Laz.

Excellent entry, too!

'Excellent, Giancarlo's knocked back 5 drinks ... now's a good time to mention that script change about what happens to Mathis'.

Forster: "Dan, why can't you remember the name of the drink?"
Giannini: "It's just a damn drink, Marc."
Forster: "It's because the drink's name..."
Giannini: "When are we going to film in Italy?"
Forster: "Right after we film in a dumpster. Now Dan, you must ask yourself: why can't you remember the name of the drink? Why? Because you don't want to remember it. Pull out that giant photo of Vesper, and let's do another take."

M: Psstt G, got some of those pills to make me a decent f*****g producer?
G: Yep, got some of the little blue ones as well, Dan had to shift them.

Forster: "Dan, it says here in the script you don't get to shag Olga but you have to do Fields."
Craig: "What the F*** is this bullshit!!! Damn, last movie they make me dump Solange, just when things were heating up, and this movie all I get is a quickie with the girl-scout. It's a madhouse! It's madhouse!
Gianni: Oh great, now he's going all Planet of the Apes on us. Nice one Forster!
Forster: "I thought he kinda looked like a monkey with all that crane hopping about in the last film"
Forster ducks as Craig tosses a glass
Craig: losing it, continues to channel Heston in Apes, "You maniacs, you maniacs, you finally did it! You finally did it! Damn you all to hell! You've emasculated James Bond.
Gianni: "What a drama queen! Next you know he'll be wearing heels and a dress"
Forster: "heh heh. Good one, Carlo.

Winner: Lazenby.

Lazenby. wrote:

Forster: "Shit, I've got a whopping headache coming on"
Giannini (turning away in disgust): "Been watching the dailies of all your shakycam shit again?"

Yours again. Take it away!

Cheers LA. 8)

Here we go.....

Babs MGW Press Conference
Babs: "Yes that is correct, Michael has been rendered mute. I will be answering all questions.
"Yes, I wear the pants. I am the boss.
" No, I won't be outfitting Michael in a dress, anytime soon. I much prefer Dan.
" Yes, I would like to see more finger-sucking in the next film.
" Well, I can't give the story away, but there is the possibility that Bond may have to go undercover at a tranny convention, so we shall see. I don't want to give away too much of the good stuff.
" Yes, there will be lots of action and gun-play. Whatever. But aren't there any more question about Bond in a dress?!
"You in the front row. Go ahead. Excellent question! Seeing as you asked, I am partial to Bond in a pink frock. That would be nice.
"Will we be championing a social cause with this film? Another excellent question. I think yes. Exploitation of water resources in the global south has been done. I think Haggy and Marc did a very nice job there. As for the new film, Dench and I do have some ideas, which we will be dictating, I mean suggesting to the scriptwriters.
" Yes, you in the back. Excellent suggestion. Agreed!The misogynistic-dinosaur tendencies of climate-deniers is something Bond might want to take a stand against. Michael write that idea down for me.
"Thank you people! Dan will be right out. He's just having some problems jamming his fat feet, into his new B23 promo-pumps."

Babs: "How do we write? Neal and Robert are always looking for ways to blow up helicopters, whereas I sit down and look for the c-word..."
MGW: "The dreaded c-word."
Babs: "Character, c for character. So I have Judi talk to the female Bond, and they both criticize Bond to kingdom come."
MGW: "And then we move on to the next explosion."

Babs: "C'mon, get rid of that big blue banner with my name on it, it's obstructing the skirt I've forced Mike to wear to demonstrate how we're all EQUALS...."

Mike (mumbling): "Damn, I miss your dad...."

Wilson: "I see you've found a new home for Daniel Craig's balls."

"Thank you all for coming here today.
"Today's topic is Michael's reduced role with Eon.
" As you can see, my half-brother or step-brother, or whatever the hell he is, looks like a bum.
"His deterioration started in Haiti during the filming of QoS. As many of you may recall, Michael chose for his cameo, to be slumming about in the lobby of the run-down dive-hotel that Bond visits.
" Well it seems, Michael has quite embraced the role. He claims that Paul's dialogue in the last two films has driven him to depression.
" He refuses to embrace the progressiveness of the new films that Dame Judi and I are working so hard on.
"So, because Michael has become such a poop, I find it only fitting that his new role at Eon will be cleaning the poop.
"Michael will retain his shares in the company. Nothing I can do about that, however his respsonbilities will hithertoo be confined to caretaking and custodial.
"Michael has agreed to embrace his new responsibilities. He said something about rather cleaning up shit than shoveling it. Whatever.
"Any questions?

Barbara: "Do you want to answer this one, Mike?
Mike?
Mike! Wake up, dammit, or your next cameo will be as a cadaver in a deleted scene!"

Wilson (thinking): Damn! Just when I was dreaming it was 1989 and I was still in charge...

tiffanywint wrote:

"Any questions?"

None, Babs. May I fetch your Jimmi Choos?

Upon glancing down, MGW began to seethe silently and vowed to get the captions guy fired.

Some very good laughs and quite a few honourable mentions deserved for many of the quips here....

But I think I'll award the winnings to the right honourable Mr tiffanywint, whom I feel captured absolutely perfectly the perception of some here that poor Mike is now little more than a downtrodden and enslaved soul sold to Satan....

tiffanywint wrote:

"Thank you all for coming here today.
"Today's topic is Michael's reduced role with Eon.
" As you can see, my half-brother or step-brother, or whatever the hell he is, looks like a bum.
"His deterioration started in Haiti during the filming of QoS. As many of you may recall, Michael chose for his cameo, to be slumming about in the lobby of the run-down dive-hotel that Bond visits.
" Well it seems, Michael has quite embraced the role. He claims that Paul's dialogue in the last two films has driven him to depression.
" He refuses to embrace the progressiveness of the new films that Dame Judi and I are working so hard on.
"So, because Michael has become such a poop, I find it only fitting that his new role at Eon will be cleaning the poop.
"Michael will retain his shares in the company. Nothing I can do about that, however his respsonbilities will hithertoo be confined to caretaking and custodial.
"Michael has agreed to embrace his new responsibilities. He said something about rather cleaning up shit than shoveling it. Whatever.
"Any questions?

Over to you, tiffanywint. 8)

Lazenby. wrote:

enslaved soul sold to Satan....

I wager Satan would make a much more entertaining Bond film than EON's last few efforts. Tits agogo for starters.

Thanks Laz! How about for this round, some Bond and Pussy at play!

"OK, OK, I'll switch the gas. I'll even boink you and let you toss me about in the hay, but please, wipe that annoying smirk off your face!"

'OK, it's yellow, but ... this MUST be hay I'm holding, surely. I mean, she's got trousers on ... and I'm not THAT skilful'.

The test footage looked good but the Q branch telekenesis device was just considered a step too far.

Pussy was about to lose more than just her footing...

"You have a ten-inch whaaaaaat?!"
"Works every time."