I can write better fucking lines than that!

I second this. mbalje, you're an asset man.

QOS needs a Balje re-write in order to make more sense. How on Earth did we ever come to this????

Makeshift Python wrote:

Vesper wrote:

"I'm Mr Kil"
"Well there's a name to die for"

It's like the character was invented for that joke or something...

Makeshift Python wrote:

"I've been known to KEEP MY TIP UP." *tilts up sword to make it worse*

I'm very interested in seeing what Pervis and Wade's original script for DAD was like before Tamahori made his own rewrites.

I'm convinced their drafts must be decent. Otherwise why would they keep hiring them? I'd definitely like to see their original Die Another Day and how close it was to the Moonraker novel.

I've always been pretty unsure about Purvis and Wade. I know the structure of the films are largely their contribution but someone is always brought in to do rewrites. Dana Stevens/Bruce Feirstein for TWINE, Tamahori himself for DAD, Haggis for CR. As far as I know very little of their work made it to QOS.

The only thing I can pinpoint that might be theirs is probably the theme of trust, which has been a staple for all Bond films between TWINE and QOS so far.

According to Feirstein, it's EON procedure that the script is always rewritten at least once, regardless of quality.

Mr. Brown wrote:

The whole torture scene in Casino Royale was badly written and poorly adapted.

I agree completely, why they would throw away such masterful Fleming dialog is beyond me. The whole 'Cowboys and Indians' bit is brilliant, and would've even worked in the context of the film. Since Dan Craig spends half of it running around and kicking ass like John Wayne.

I admit, I laughed along with the whole audience at the 'I got an itch' line. The issue for me isn't so much that it doesn't work, as it is they ignored literary gold at the expense of a cheap laugh.

Chigawa wrote:

I admit, I laughed along with the whole audience at the 'I got an itch' line. The issue for me isn't so much that it doesn't work, as it is they ignored literary gold at the expense of a cheap laugh.

My thoughts exactly. I did laugh at the "itch" line upon first viewing, but on rewatches and especially after reading Casino Royale, I was left pretty disappointed as to what we got on screen. In terms of that scene, anyway.

I would've liked to see Bond tortured for a much longer time, perhaps kept conscious with coffee or brandy. I liked how in the novel Le Chiffre kept Bond awake to experience the torture by using what could be considered liquid relief (under normal circumstances, anyway). Also would've liked the torture to take place in Le Chiffre's little seaside house rather than some grimy compartment, just for the contrast of it.

The line that bugs me is 'Now the whole world is gonna know you died scratching my balls'. It's funny when you first hear it, but it doesn't make any sense after that. It almost feels like Bond's breaking the fourth wall and referring to the audience ('the whole world'). How exactly will the whole world know Bond got Le Chiffre to scratch his balls? Did Bond secretly tape their conversation with a recorder that was shoved up his anus? If Le Chiffre kills him, would a posthumous release of the recording be possible? etc etc.

Makeshift Python wrote:

"they'll print anything these days"

I can write better fucking lines than that! How about: "Black, white... and red all over." (You see, this Bond has a penchant for homonym-based humour.)

Bond is completely vulnerable and fully expecting to die in agony in CR's torture scene ... the only 'weapon' he's got is taunting Le Chiffre. I think he can be forgiven for not making 100% sense.

It just sounds to me like Bond's read the script or something. :) Le Chiffre is going to die scratching his balls? Did he have a vision of this or something? Yeah, it's a nonsense line, and Bond could be forgiven for not making sense. But the way he rattles off his explanation, it seems like he had this whole set of zingers ready to infuriate Le Chiffre with. A problem in all of P&W's scripts, conversation being reduced to characters shooting off zingers in sequence and practically on cue.

Whenever I watch License To Kill - which is often - I always cringe at the "I love James so much".

Bleurgh. Vomit inducing.....

The lube-less rape of Fleming's CR, AKA the entire screenplay of CR. Little finger innuendo? Gimme a fucking break. The only hope for the future of Bond, is for every person involved with the past few films to be replaced. That's everyone from Babs down to the Tea Boy.

Oh please. I thought the tea boy did just fine.

Taffer wrote:

Little finger innuendo? Gimme a fucking break.

Yes, a good finger-breaking wouldn't have gone amiss after what Bond said to Vesper there. Live and Let Die-style.

But spare the little finger, won't you? How else are they gonna fall in love?

"Well, I've had lunch, but I seem to have missed dessert"

I cringed on my last viewing of Spy. I mean really: you think the entire of Christmas character was set up for Bond's one liner at the end. At least there was some sort of set up, instead of just pulling this out of no where. :roll:

Makeshift Python wrote:

"The things we do for frequent flier mileage."

Agreed. There's a fine line between being humorous and making jokes. In that scene Bond was making a joke and he's not supposed to be a comedian.

Quote :

"I suppose we have to pay the piper sometime right Q?'

Could have been worse. Could have used :"Torch song trilogy, Q?" (that was my suggestion at the time).

Quote :

"Saved by the bell."

In total agreement. An absolute abomination of a line because it reminds me of the 1990's Saturday morning kids show SAVED BY THE BELL. I don't want a classy, sophisticated film series about an adventurous secret agent to remind me of Screech.

And the thing with the DIE ANOTHER DAY "saved by the bell" bit is that it's overkill. The visual of Bond banging the bell was a clever enough exclamation point for the sequence.

I've always loathed "When in Egypt, one must delve deeply into its treasures." Even Moore, who's usually so good with these lousy, crass zingers, can't pull that one off without seeming slimy.

Harmsway wrote:

And the thing with the DIE ANOTHER DAY "saved by the bell" bit is that it's overkill.

Of course it is. That's why it's funny.

Loomis wrote:

Harmsway wrote:

And the thing with the DIE ANOTHER DAY "saved by the bell" bit is that it's overkill.

Of course it is. That's why it's funny.

Nah. It's just a groaner.

Harmsway wrote:

Loomis wrote:

Harmsway wrote:

And the thing with the DIE ANOTHER DAY "saved by the bell" bit is that it's overkill.

Of course it is. That's why it's funny.

Nah. It's just a groaner.

Agree with Harmsway. But it's more than just a bad line; it's a bad idea.

The problem I have with the scene, like a few others through the years, is that it breaks down "the fourth wall". The line is clearly intended for the audience, because there's no one around Bond for him to deliver the "saved by the bell" line to. That, in effect, takes the audience out the moment and reminds them that this is just a movie, and it also reduces Bond to a stand-up comic. Furthermore, a film should never break "the fourth wall" unless it's an intentional comedy (which the Bond films have never been, nor were supposed to be). Example of breaking the fourth wall at the 00:48 - 00:55 second mark:

Gravity's Silhouette wrote:

Harmsway wrote:

Loomis wrote:

Harmsway wrote:

And the thing with the DIE ANOTHER DAY "saved by the bell" bit is that it's overkill.

Of course it is. That's why it's funny.

Nah. It's just a groaner.

Agree with Harmsway. But it's more than just a bad line; it's a bad idea.

The problem I have with the scene, like a few others through the years, is that it breaks down "the fourth wall". The line is clearly intended for the audience, because there's no one around Bond for him to deliver the "saved by the bell" line to. That, in effect, takes the audience out the moment and reminds them that this is just a movie, and it also reduces Bond to a stand-up comic.

Yes, it's a groaner, and, sure, it breaks the fourth wall (not that either of those things are new to the Bond series), but it's like a lot of Moore's quips (or Lazenby's "He had a lot of guts") - it's funny precisely because it's so corny.

I've always hated Lazenby's "He had a lot of guts" line.

Harmsway wrote:

I've always hated Lazenby's "He had a lot of guts" line.

The line is bad, though had it been modified a bit and delivered by another actor it might have been passable. Lazenby's strength was fighting; his acting not so good, and he certainly didn't have the deft touch of Connery or Moore with the lines he was given.

Relevant point + excellent delivery = great line

Dalton's line "He got the boot!" was one of the greatest lines in the series; my audience got the line and laughed appropriately, but not because it was funny, but because it was clever. Necros had been left holding a boot...Bond delivers the line to Kara, so no breaking of the fourth wall, and Bond wasn't trying to be funny or humorous.

Examples of good lines: "Our relationship is strictly plutonic...now."

"I'm thinking of getting Wai Lin behind a news desk.." "That's wonderful. I'm sure she won't resist...too much."

"I take it Mr.Bond was just explaining his big bang theory." "Yes, I got the...thrust of it."

Other bad lines include: "See you back at the lodge." Why? The context is simply wrong. Bond and the henchman weren't friends, they weren't even staying in a lodge. It's a throwaway line simply because the writers couldn't think of any other way to end the scene without a bad joke.

Gravity's Silhouette wrote:

The line is bad, though had it been modified a bit and delivered by another actor it might have been passable. Lazenby's strength was fighting; his acting not so good, and he certainly didn't have the deft touch of Connery or Moore with the lines he was given.

A lot of the one-liners in OHMSS are pretty bad. And, yes, part of it is that Lazenby can't really deliver the dialogue worth a damn, but it's also that a lot of the lines were edited-in after-the-fact, just to spice up the humor.

Gravity's Silhouette wrote:

Examples of good lines: "Our relationship is strictly plutonic...now."

"I'm thinking of getting Wai Lin behind a news desk.." "That's wonderful. I'm sure she won't resist...too much."

"I take it Mr.Bond was just explaining his big bang theory." "Yes, I got the...thrust of it."

You think those are all good lines? I think they're all pretty unfunny.

"Guns make me nervous."

Yeah, pretty tacked in. And I agree about those three lines not being very funny, especially the last one where it doesn't even come out naturally, it's as if the characters themselves were handed a script.

Makeshift Python wrote:

"Guns make me nervous."

Yeah, pretty tacked in. And I agree about those three lines not being very funny, especially the last one where it doesn't even come out naturally, it's as if the characters themselves were handed a script.

Yeah, a question of personal tastes but I found them awful, too. Not that funny and a bit artificial.

Louis Armstrong wrote:

The line that bugs me is 'Now the whole world is gonna know you died scratching my balls'. It's funny when you first hear it, but it doesn't make any sense after that. It almost feels like Bond's breaking the fourth wall and referring to the audience ('the whole world'). How exactly will the whole world know Bond got Le Chiffre to scratch his balls? Did Bond secretly tape their conversation with a recorder that was shoved up his anus? If Le Chiffre kills him, would a posthumous release of the recording be possible? etc etc.

true, and what expectation could he possibly have that le Chiffre is going to be the one to die at that moment?

Louis Armstrong wrote:

I can write better fucking lines than that!

let some sadist tie you to a chair naked and whip on your genitals... see what sort of snappy comeback you come up with