THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN (2011/2012)

Meyer and her pussification of elements of the horror genre in the service of her thinly-disguised moralising about pre-marital sex can fuck RIGHT off, IMHO.

Makeshift Python wrote:

Prisoner Monkeys wrote:

Makeshift Python wrote:

The drama is now cranked up to an absurd level, it feels self important, the running time is 30 mins longer, it's basically treated like some great epic.

You ... are aware that you're watching the TWILIGHT films, right?

The books are just like this, only a thousand times worse.

I suspect the first book is just like the others, but for the film adaptation Hardwicke toned it down and approached the story from the perspective of an adult watching teenagers, like the stupid decisions we make at that age to the really awkward conversations because its the first time they ever experienced these feelings. Teen romance in reality is just awkward around that time of life and I respect that she tried injecting a little reality into this teen fantasy to make it seem more genuine. The script still blows chunks, but I appreciate Hardwicke's attempt. Seeing the second flick, I don't think she would have been able to use the same approach used in the first because the second veers off on the opposite direction from her, so I can see why she bowed out. Reading Wikipedia, Paul Weitz talked about his approach being more true to the source and "not taking it lightly" and as a result it feels more like a film from the perspective of a narrow minded teenager, thus everything is heavy handed and it doesn't help that the source is probably a lot worse with the protagonist being such a huge insult to female teens.

Python, you are turning into a Twilight scholar!

I watched a lot of Buffy, so consider me a teen/vampire/romance scholar.

Makeshift Python wrote:

I suspect the first book is just like the others, but for the film adaptation Hardwicke toned it down and approached the story from the perspective of an adult watching teenagers, like the stupid decisions we make at that age to the really awkward conversations because its the first time they ever experienced these feelings. Teen romance in reality is just awkward around that time of life and I respect that she tried injecting a little reality into this teen fantasy to make it seem more genuine. The script still blows chunks, but I appreciate Hardwicke's attempt. Seeing the second flick, I don't think she would have been able to use the same approach used in the first because the second veers off on the opposite direction from her, so I can see why she bowed out. Reading Wikipedia, Paul Weitz talked about his approach being more true to the source and "not taking it lightly" and as a result it feels more like a film from the perspective of a narrow minded teenager, thus everything is heavy handed and it doesn't help that the source is probably a lot worse with the protagonist being such a huge insult to female teens.

The books are basically a combination of purple prose and mormon propaganda. Meyer frequently uses words like "scintillating" to describe Eddie's various features, while the core component of the story is that Bella never experiences true happiness until she is a part of an extended family. A lot of people claim that Barbara Broccoli gets very horny around Daniel Craig; having read the Twilight series, the same can be said of Stefenie Meyer and Eddie, only turned up to eleven.

Also, there are several very disturbing themes and ideas within the books:

Spoiler:

Like I said, worse.

Makeshift Python wrote:

I watched a lot of Buffy, so consider me a teen/vampire/romance scholar.

I'm a massive Buffy fan, too. In fact, TWILIGHT is pretty much just Buffy, but without any wit, charm or appeals.

Consider:

Buffy Summers is a teenage girl with a single parent, who moves to a new town and a new school in Sunnydale, California. After initial difficulties making friends, she quickly finds her niche but has an encounter with a brooding, sinister and ultimately handsome stranger, Angel, but instinctively knows that something is amiss with him. She ends up having a difficult and dramatic relationship with him, mostly because having sex with him will turn him into a rampaging sociopathic vampire who revels in the psychological torment of his victims.

On the other hand ...

Bella Swan is a teenage girl with a single parent, who moves to a new town and a new school in Forks, Washington. After initial difficulties making friends, she quickly finds her niche but has an encounter with a brooding, sinister and ultimately handsome stranger, Edward, but instinctively knows that something is amiss with him. She ends up having a difficult and dramatic relationship with him, mostly because they're teenagers and they angst over things and he's a vampire despite not actually having anything in common with vampires.

Meyer basically s***s all over centuries of folklore by reducing terrifying creatures of the night to men who pout and sparkle.

^ Yes Twilight is sh*te. Although you have to admit its got its huge fan base. But do does Justin Bieber. I found it unwatchable after two films. I like a lot of teen stuff. Always have, but Twilight is unwatchable. The reason I guess is that the whole saga targets teenage girls and young women in a huge way. I have a 27 year old cousin whose nuts about it too. The rest of us don't matter.

And it is a Buffy rip-off to some extent, but there really is no comparison. Buffy and Angel was smart sassy entertaining TV.

tiffanywint wrote:

Buffy and Angel was smart sassy entertaining TV.

Oh, exactly. Look no further than the leading men - Angel and Eddie.

Angel is cursed to live a life of misery, because if he experiences happiness, he will lose his soul and revert to his sociopathic vampire self. He refuses to hurt humans because he has a conscience, and by the end of "Angel", he is willing to give up his one chance at redemption for his extensive crimes for the sake of thwarting the next great evil threatening Los Angeles.

Edward Cullen is a two-hundred year-old vampire trapped in the body of a teenager. He emotionally and psychologically abuses his girlfriend, angsts because, well, teenager, and refuses to hurt humans because he and his family have somehow come to the awareness that hurting humans is wrong.

Angel would kick Eddie's behind. In fact, Andrew, the least-threatening character in the Buffyverse, would kick Eddie's behind.

And when did we get a swear-filter?

I'd bang Kristen Stewart very hard.

And that's all I have to say about TWILIGHT. That, and I'd rather watch the Paul Newman movie.

Gonna watch ECLIPSE tonight, cuz I'm fucking insane.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43vcOBfPzcU#t=4m24s

Fucking ads are ruining YouTube.

God bless her soul.

Wait... you paid to watch Twilight?

I pay a monthly subscription to Netflix unlimited, so yeah.

Eclipse (2010)

The soap opera is not as horribly exagerrated and as retarded as New Moon, but it's just as bad because there's twice the amount. The Edward character's balls are gone. His girlfriend just starts making out with Wolfboy and he doesn't seem to care, he just waits for her to come back and says "its ok". Taylor Lautner's acting is just laughable and his character is contemptable. This is all that happens thorughout the flick:

Edward: "Bell I love you, marry me."
Bella: "I dunno."
Wolfboy: "Bella I love you, leave him for me."
Bella: "I dunno."
Edward: "I don't trust him, he could hurt you."
Bella: "I dunno."
Wolfboy: "No, it's HE that will hurt you. I'm so much better for you and you know it!"
Bella: "I dunno."
Edward: "If you want him, you can have him, all I want is for you to be happy."
Bella: "I dunno."
Wolfboy: "YOU SEE!? He's all for it! Be with me!"
*Bella kisses Wolfboy, Edward just stands around*
Bella: "..."
Edward: "..."
Wolfboy: "..."
Bella: "I dunno."
Wolfboy and Eddie: "HOLY SHIT A VAMPIRE ARMY IS COMING LET'S FIGHT THEM!"

Then a bunch of shit happens with vampires, werewolves and "evil" vampires going to battle in a forrest, probably the only good part of the whole flick. This is probably the most action the series will ever see.

Oh yeah and then the ending.

Bella: "Edward, I'll marry you."
Wolfboy: "WHAT THE FUCK!!! FRIENDSHIP IS OVER!"



Oh, and I may have found the worst villain I have ever seen in a film. Take a good look at this guy.




HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!

Steve Urkel could kick that guy's ass.

The White Tuxedo wrote:

I'd bang Kristen Stewart very hard.

.

And I thought I led a lonely life. Hit the booze old man and the desire for ironing-board will ease. :*sm*:

Makeshift Python wrote:

I pay a monthly subscription to Netflix unlimited, so yeah.

You're a trooper MP. I've yet to see/read Twilight and I can't bring myself to.

When you consider the stuff I watch anyway you think I would.

Makeshift Python wrote:

Taylor Lautner's acting is just laughable...

I'm looking forward to the spin-off TV series, HAWAIIAN WEREWOLF.

Prisoner Monkeys wrote:

And when did we get a swear-filter?

I noticed that myself on another thread. It's a bizarre swear-filter too. It censors sh**e, but not shit. I haven't tried all of George Carlin's seven dirty words (I'm fine with swearing, but not for it's own sake), but fuck seems totally unaffected or uncensored as well, strangely.

Mr. Brown wrote:

Makeshift Python wrote:

Taylor Lautner's acting is just laughable...

I'm looking forward to the spin-off TV series, HAWAIIAN WEREWOLF.

ha, if I didn't know better I'd say that was one of Magnum PI's lesser known episodes.

right idea, wrong pussy wrote:

Prisoner Monkeys wrote:

And when did we get a swear-filter?

I noticed that myself on another thread. It's a bizarre swear-filter too. It censors sh**e, but not shit. I haven't tried all of George Carlin's seven dirty words (I'm fine with swearing, but not for it's own sake), but fuck seems totally unaffected or uncensored as well, strangely.

maybe it's for excessive use or for some reason the boards blank some but not others.

:silent:

Hilly wrote:

Mr. Brown wrote:

Makeshift Python wrote:

Taylor Lautner's acting is just laughable...

I'm looking forward to the spin-off TV series, HAWAIIAN WEREWOLF.

ha, if I didn't know better I'd say that was one of Magnum PI's lesser known episodes.

Tom Selleck should've played Wolfboy. He's got the body hair for it.

CJB wrote:

Hilly wrote:

Mr. Brown wrote:

Makeshift Python wrote:

Taylor Lautner's acting is just laughable...

I'm looking forward to the spin-off TV series, HAWAIIAN WEREWOLF.

ha, if I didn't know better I'd say that was one of Magnum PI's lesser known episodes.

Tom Selleck should've played Wolfboy. He's got the body hair for it.

this is my thinking. Magnum catches something a bit ooh nasty and has to be contained by TC lest Higgins shoots him.

Damn, it could still happen and still be more entertaining than Twilight.

... and then Magnum would bang Kristen Stewart.

His moutstache would've tickled some life into her face.

'OK, look moody, look tough ... AH SHIT, goddamn bladder problem!'

Apparently he saw this photo of David Boreanaz:



And thought to himself "That's what I want to look like. Only more constipated."