Star Trek

I may try to watch an episode here and there. Ugh.

I quite enjoyed reading your "Enterprise" reviews, it made me go and watch a few episodes, and I never was a huge Trek fan!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPvTTc7jAVQ&feature=player_embedded#at=25

Drax wrote:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPvTTc7jAVQ&feature=player_embedded#at=25

What a perfect intro, thanks GL! :D

It begins tonight...



Trekkin w/Tux is an adventure back to the first frontier. My journey through TOS, TAS, and the TOS films.

Tonight's installment...

Star Trek

Yes, I'm kicking it off with nuTrek. Why? Seemed like a sensible place to start. Or not. But it gets this piece of shit out of the way.

Something really struck me on this, my... maybe fifth viewing? Not sure which number it is, but whatever it is it's that many times too many. What struck me had to do with the infamous Kobayashi Maru. In TWOK, the point of the test is how you handle yourself in a no-win scenario. How you maintain discipline over yourself and over those under your command in the face of death. Kirk cheated, of course. He didn't believe in the no-win scenario. However, a big part of TWOK is Kirk actually facing the no-win scenario. He defeats Khan at the price of Spock. Best of times, worst of times. That film was written by someone(s) who understood that when you put something into a script it should count for something later on.

In nuTrek, Kirk cheats and beats the Kobayashi Maru. And it never comes back again. Only, and I actually laughed when this happened, when it's essentially stated the that lesson here is that cheating is good. That's it? That's the payoff? Somebody missed the fucking point of the test. I will say that the Kelvin sequence effectively demonstrates that mastery of fear in the face of death, but it never comes up again. Actually seeing Kirk in a no-win situation in the climax would have really elevated the story. But it seems that isn't on Orci's & Kurtzman's minds.

To be honest, I don't really recall WTF happened in that last reel. I just didn't give a shit. The script for this film is just so bad, so lazy, and so sloppy. I can't believe so many people (and especially FILM CRITICS) were fooled by this movie.

If people like it, fine. I can totally understand non-Trek fans liking it. It's expressly made for them. I'm a bit disappointed that so many Trek fans eat it up, though.

A small thing that annoys me is that I think the film is anti-intellectual. it's subtle. Watch when Scotty is explaining the bogus science behind transwarp beaming (whatever the fuck that is), and watch the Ewok shaking his head. Ya know, cuz science is gay n stuf. It's a little thing, but I find it so irksome to see it in Trek. Trek's science has always been bullshit, but Trek has always been respectful and supportive of science. It's just part of it's philosophy. And to see that here just pisses me off. Isn't it enough that the movie itself is completely fucking stupid? It has to praise ignorance too?

And that's one of the real, core problems for me. It's not that the bridge looks like an Apple store, or that they quadrupled the size of the Enterprise for no reason, or that they built the Enterprise not only on Earth but in Kirk's hometown in Iowa which also has enormous canyons and bars frequented by people who live in fucking San Francisco. It's because the movie is just stupid. And it caters to stupid, or at least non-thinking, people. If you start to think during this movie, you're done for. And for Star Trek, that's very wrong.

I'll leave at that for now. If anyone wants, maybe I'll cough up some more thoughts tomorrow.

Final score is .5/5

That's POINT five. ;)

Annoying Neelix moment goes to Simon Pegg's Scotty for existing. This movie was maybe looking at a 1/5 until he showed up. After that, it was firmly .5. Also because, as bad as the first half of this piece of shit is, the second half is far worse. You'd be forgiven for not thinking that possible while watching the first half.

Salomé wrote:

I quite enjoyed reading your "Enterprise" reviews, it made me go and watch a few episodes, and I never was a huge Trek fan!

Me or Python? :) As for me, I really love Season 4 of ENTERPRISE. But it's better if you're versed in Trek lore. It's sorta more for the fans. Which is the opposite from what came before as the network wanted it to be "more accessible".

Of course... "more accessible" was taken to it's ugliest extreme with nuTrek.

I saved lots of screencaps on photobucket and been looking them up. A lot of them came back to me. I may not be accurate with the captions being the same but I get the gist. I think this was my first real long montage when shitting on nuTrek was the thing. Long before they all turned into actual MI6 series (which will all have to be retitled "An Original Bond and Beyond Series" (I could never use the B&B acronym for obvious reasons).


"Captain's Log: Stardate 21701.4. We have encountered an old Earth probe in the far reaches of space. However, records do not have anything on the nature of its purpose nor its existence. I have sent Commander Riker and his away team to investigate the mystery of this probe."


"Counselor, what is the matter?"


"I sense a very strong presence, Captain."


"It's probably just my erection. Numbah One, what is the progress?"


"It looks as if this is of the Federation circa 23rd century. It's an old archive containing data on something called a rebootquel."


"Fascinating. Lieutenant Laforge, would you be able to transmit the data to our ship?"


"It's a bit outdated but I think I just might be able to. There's nothing more for us to investigate I suggest to beam back the away team except for Wesley. Of course, so he could do the transmitting. *Cough*letsditchhimhere*cough*."


"Very well. Numbah One, return with your away team. Wesley, transmit the data now."






"Extraordinary."


"What is your name?"


"My name is James Tiberious Kirk!" *trailer music blasts*








"Oooooooooooh shit."








"THIS IS EPIC!"




"B00B13Z!"




"He's about to fire at us Captain!"


"Mr. Worf, fire all phasers and torpedoes."




Wesley Dies in Probe: "Noooooooooooooo............"


"VICTORY!"


"Indeed. Mr. La Forge, set a course for Risa, maximum warp."

All this has happened before and it will happen again.

Found the screencaps I collected for my THRESHOLD rants all made fresh right after I saw that damn episode. It's great how the captions are all coming back to me.


"Do me, Paris."


"Oh yeah baby, I'm gonna send you to warp 10."


-"Yeah yeah yeah!"
-"Computer, shut down program."


"Yeah yea- wait. What?"




"OH SHIT."


DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN!





"Oh Kes, I'm going to die. Please give me a nice fuck before I go."


"Um, no. Dipshit. I'm with Dr. Sykes."


"One of the virtues of being a hologram is that I can adjust the size of my pants monster."







PART THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE




Kes: "Shit, Python us running out of ideas for montages. How is this happening?"
Sykes: "The more you watch VOYAGER your mind becomes numbed."

O&K seem to be the Cash&Epps writing equivalent ... though actually a lot worse, just on volume. I mean, I hate TOP GUN, but I sat through all of DICK TRACY once. And I've been told LEGAL EAGLES isn't as bad as folks made it out to be (not that I'll even try watching that one, even now.) But Cash & Epps actually wrote better scripts that got dumbed down by producers. I don't know that O&K have ever written anything adequate, which makes me think COWBOYS & ALIENS will be another TREK, not a MEN IN BLACK (in other words, I'll hate it.)

I've thought about watching TheAbramsThing a second time, but even for free, it just seems so wrong.

REVIEWS OF STAR TREK: VOYAGER CONTINUE!!

Pre-3/14, the infamous Voyager stats sat at:
# of Crew: 148 Total -- 130 Starfleet, 16 Maquis, 2 Civilians
# of Shuttles: 7
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: 27
# of Gel Packs: 47
Time Ens. Wildman has been pregnant: 406 days (13 months)
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 73,480.3 lightyears

Now, to resume season 2 reviews --

"Lifesigns"
This is a nice, quiet, enjoyable episode. I think this is the first really important "Doctor" episode for me -- "Heroes and Demons" took him out of sickbay and "Projections" questioned his nature, but this is the first time where we don't just look at the Doctor as more than a hologram -- we look at him as more than a Doctor. The scenes between Denara and "Dr. Shmullus" (as she dubs him) have genuine chemistry and really work. Then there's the continuing storylines (on Voyager! GASP!) of Jonas the Traitor and Unruly Paris. The weirdest part of all is that Denara lives through the episode and we end without the standard "and then their romance was tragically ruined" ending. In fact, they don't even give a reason as to why the Doc wouldn't just keep using Shmullus as a name...
# of Crew: 148 Total -- 130 Starfleet, 16 Maquis, 2 Civilians
# of Shuttles: 7
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: 27
# of Gel Packs: 47
Time Ens. Wildman has been pregnant: 420 days (13.5 months)
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 73,412.2 lightyears

"Investigations"
And so this subplot that has run through the series for six episodes comes to a head here -- in a Neelix episode. This episode is trying, but it's just not worth all the build up to this point. Neelix reaches an all time high for annoyance levels so far in this episode, Jonas dies by falling into a hole that opens up from nowhere in Engineering, and the whole thing just isn't as good as it should have been. It's not that the episode is bad, it's pretty entertaining most of the way, it's just not up to potential. Sort've VOYAGER in a microcosm, I guess.
# of Crew: 147 Total -- 130 Starfleet, 15 Maquis, 2 Civilians
# of Shuttles: 7
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: 27
# of Gel Packs: 47
Time Ens. Wildman has been pregnant: 427 days (13.8 months)
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 73,409 lightyears

"Deadlock"
So here's the infamous episode in which Python declared the series abandoned its premise. I don't feel as strongly about it. I think, taken on its own, it's a fairly strong episode. It even AVOIDs a reset button plot by having the Voyager that survives of the two duplicates be the horrifically damaged one. Two things ruin the episode. One is that we are meant to believe that a force of 347 Vidiians board Voyager, outnumbering the crew and taking over the ship -- which is undermined when we only see about two or three of them walking around mostly empty corridors at any one time. The other is the infamous "damage" issue -- the USS Voyager, a ship without access to starbases, spacedock, or any normal forms of supply or support is left at the end of this episode with a destroyed bridge, destroyed warp coils, a hull breach on decks 14-16, and microfractures throughout the hull. And then at the start of the next episode EVERYTHING IS FINE. I mean, if the Producers didn't want to follow up on the issue of all this damage, then they should've made the duplicate Voyager with no damage be the one that survives. Instead they leave us like this, and then everything is magically repaired between episodes. One would think it would be easier for production to just leave things all scorched and broken for another week, mention that repairs are underway or something, perhaps with the help of the planet of the week aliens, and then be back to normal for the week after that. However, its hard to fault "Deadlock" itself for this, but rather the Producers as a whole and the next episode in particular.
# of Crew: 148 Total -- 130 Starfleet, 15 Maquis, 3 Civilians
# of Shuttles: 7
# of Warp Cores: 2
# of Photon Torpedoes: 27
# of Gel Packs: 47
Time Ens. Wildman was pregnant: 444 days (14.3 months) -- also, her half-human half-Ktarian baby looks nothing like a Ktarian.
Distance to Alpha Quadrant: 73,401.3 lightyears

Mod note: Please leave a picture and a caption. You should know better.

Like I said in the old MI6, no problems with the episode as a whole, just with the ending that has Janeway skirting the issue away in a log entry. That's what made me think "they don't even give a crap anymore".

Plus it was awesome to see Kim die.

OH!

So many good DIE, HARRY, DIE! episodes lost. I think you and Tux captioned the best entries of that series.

"The Cage"

It remains my all time favorite episode of Trek. It has that mystery, that more cerebral quality. Fantastic production design. Only two things go thud; Pike's remark about women on the bridge, and that dude on Rigel VII.

Love the music. And I told you guys that I think the Talosians have rarely been equaled.

Lots of note taken from FORBIDDEN PLANET of course, and both have crews that could have been fleshed out more.

Ah, well. I'm having a Facebook conversation with somebody. Seems I'm gonna be in a couple webseries. Awesome. That news is 5/5. Well, I hope I'm cast.

Oh yeah, "The Cage" gets 5/5. A longer review was gonna happen, but I was distracted.

And Susan Oliver was hot.

5/5

Annoying Neelix moment:


This asshole.

Top nitpick:


What, everything behind the window is invincible?

Yeah, pretty much how I feel.

"Where No Man Has Gone Before"

I love the concept. The ESP stuff is a little naff, as it apparently means you're an X-Men. I was actually thinking of the X-Men while watching this, as they call Mitchell a mutant.

It's a good episode, though. The whole absolute power idea is one that I find very interesting. Shame we only saw Mitchell once.

This is probably the most visually dull episode of TOS to me. It's a bit drab. It doesn't have the great sets that "The Cage" had, but it had those uniforms. They work in "The Cage", but I don't like them as much here. And Spock looks very wrong in gold.

Anyone know if this episode ran longer before airing? I'm sure they almost always had extra scene that were cut, but it feels like material is missing from this episode. Specifically right after Mitchell kills Kelso. I don't care for the transition to the next scene.

Thar be my scattered thoughts.

4.5/5

The White Tuxedo wrote:

Anyone know if this episode ran longer before airing?

I don't know for sure, but I do know for sure that the version aired (and on the DVDs and so on) isn't the same as the version originally shopped around as the second pilot, which had a different opening and end credits sequence and a really bizarre end credits theme music that was never used again.

The White Tuxedo wrote:

"Ahem."


"Damnit, Numbah One!

Now this thread is all sticky...

"The Corbomite Maneuver"

Very good episode in terms of concept and character. The whole Bailey thing used to annoy me, as I thought they made him too much of a clown. I still think he's a little clownish, but the rationale that he was promoted too early and that perhaps he reminds Kirk of himself made it pass IMHO. And I like when Kirk himself lashes out at McCoy right before the eureka bluff moment.

The bluff sequence takes this episode up a half a point. You could almost say it comes too early, and that it would have made a great climax. But I suppose it all fits together pretty well. They wait until the pilot ship slips and when it's power is down they come in mercy.

McCoy's first appearance of course, and it really struck me on this viewing that they are already hitting every beat with him exactly right. His conversation with Kirk in his quarters is dead on. Spock is also more of the Spock we come to know. I love his moment when he's privately devastated that he has no alternatives to suggest to Kirk. That begins that dynamite bluff sequence.

Nice to see Bailey comes back to the bridge and assumes his post.

Gee, Uhura looks awful in gold. First Spock, then Uhura.

4.5/5

Locke watches nuTrek


"John, I have found a VHS copy of nuTrek."


"Oh! Put it in, I've heard so many good things about it."








"I've got no captain and no first officer to replace."


"Ya we do...."


"I'm teh captain now, lolz."




"Transwarp beaming!"






"DO IT DO IT!"










"What do we do now, John?"




"We have to kill J.J. Abrams."


DUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

I never got why George Kirk was in the chair like that.



"Mudd's Women"

Just kinda stupid.

2/5

The White Tuxedo wrote:

"Where No Man Has Gone Before"

I love the concept. The ESP stuff is a little naff, as it apparently means you're an X-Men. I was actually thinking of the X-Men while watching this, as they call Mitchell a mutant.

It's a good episode, though. The whole absolute power idea is one that I find very interesting. Shame we only saw Mitchell once.

This is probably the most visually dull episode of TOS to me. It's a bit drab. It doesn't have the great sets that "The Cage" had, but it had those uniforms. They work in "The Cage", but I don't like them as much here. And Spock looks very wrong in gold.

Anyone know if this episode ran longer before airing? I'm sure they almost always had extra scene that were cut, but it feels like material is missing from this episode. Specifically right after Mitchell kills Kelso. I don't care for the transition to the next scene.

Thar be my scattered thoughts.

4.5/5

There are a few shots that got excised, but I'm pretty sure you can find them online. There's a line in the teaser from Kirk to Spock 'you may learn to enjoy emotions someday' or words to that effect, plus shots looking up and down at Gary as he goes through corridors (kind of like the down angle corridor shots in TUC.)

Hey, toxic trek heads. Was the fabulous Susan Denberg in the show?

ambler wrote:

Hey, toxic trek heads. Was the fabulous Susan Denberg in the show?

Yup. One of Mudd's Bitches. Crap episode.