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 I can write better fucking lines than that!

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Makeshift Python
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PostSubject: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:06 pm

Get the title? Eh? Nudge nudge. ;)

On one end of the spectrum is a writer like Tom Mankiewicz writing some of the wittiest dialogue in the series ("so speak or forever hold your piece" says the most refined Bond Roger Moore), specifically in DAF, LALD and TMWTGG. At the other end of the rectum is someone like Bruce Feirstein responsible most of the Brosnan era's worst dialogue ("next time I'll take the elevator" says the American-Irish sounding Bond Pierce Brosnan), specifically GE, TND and the abomination known as TWINE .

This is about the latter. But more hacks have written Bond beyond Feirstein.

Puns are great when used sparingly. Renard telling Bond that he couldn't SHOULDER the responsibility while pressing Bond's shoulder with Brosnan delivering PAIN FACE, is not one of those moments. And I must confess I have never found "I think he got the point" to be anything great. Not among the worst but I think overrated. As much as I am a fan of Sean's Bond, I've seen better moments.

Anyway.

Which line stands out most for you?


Last edited by Makeshift Python on Fri Dec 09, 2011 12:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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groucho070
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:13 pm

MP, I disagree with the "point" opinion. The lines no matter how silly, or the puns, however stupid, usually sounds fabulous with Sean and Rog. These two make stupidest dialogue sound intelligent, especially the latter. End of the day it's the performance that makes the difference. I love it when Sean says that, and immediately gets to the business, not a milisecond of gloating "hey was that clever or what" that persisted during Brosnan era.

As for Moore, yeah he did do a pause before the punch line, but you laugh anyway because it's Sir Rog dammit, you better laugh or he'll karate chop you.

Dalton's was more business like. Yeah, I saw the alternative take on"better make it two" in the trailer (I think Lazenby reminded me of that back in you-know-where). I like the way he dispenses "he got the_boot!" as if he didn't care for that line. Brosnan would have let it linger around couple more seconds before taking control of the pain. I am speculating, but I like it.

Edit. Hey, about a thread on I can do better and actually write a replaced line. For example, that stupid "stationery" line in QOS. How would you write that scene?
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:25 pm

I think Mankiewicz was spot on about the sensibilities of Connery and Moore. Sir Sean threw away throwaway lines like nothing and that's what made them great. Sir Rog instead actually played with the lines but struck the right balance. Brosnan indeed fails a lot because it seems too obvious he thinks he's so clever with them, especially when they're lame "they'll print anything these days".

groucho070 wrote:
Hey, about a thread on I can do better and actually write a replaced line. For example, that stupid "stationery" line in QOS. How would you write that scene?
"Let's F***."
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:30 pm

laugh

Actually it'd be tough to list the lame lines, considering the fact that I hardly watch the 95-02 outings. Hey, maybe I should visit IMDB entries of those films and check out the memorable quotes (yeah right) and cause self-inflicted pain by catching up on those lines again.
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CJB
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:31 pm

I can't go past the suggestion Saunders (think it was him) made on Old MI6.

*Mr Wint is hurled into the water and explodes*

*Bond glances over the railing*

"He always did enjoy a good bang up the arse."
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:53 pm

The one line I can't stand in a Bond film (aside from DAD) would be one of Holly Goodhead's line in "I'm sure I shall". Bad repetition, bad delivery and I find it to be very pretentious. It sounds like something that may be classy, but it actually is not. Plus, it's completely out of that one dimensional character of Goodhead anyway. I cringe everytime I hear that line. She doesn't appear as one who would try to be any different to who she actually is. But I think her character is a bit inconsistent anyway. She plays her with a faux classy demeanour, then degrades herself to a cheeky school girl when she chuckles as Bond fiddles with her gadgets.

I'm going off topic...
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 17, 2011 4:43 am

The whole torture scene in Casino Royale was badly written and poorly adapted.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 17, 2011 7:08 am

Every Bond film has been badly written since TND. Bruce Feirstein started it and Pervert and Waste have followed his steps.

I liked Mankiewicz and his witty scripts eventhough I hated the campy tone of the films.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 17, 2011 7:29 am

Rolex?

Omega.

Beautiful...


How annoying is that? Product placement needs to be done right. Bond should turn to the camera and say:

Omega SMP Co-Axial 41mm Black Dial - Oh how I love this watch. Beautifully understated, The weight, feel, design and build quality are impossible to fault. The accuracy is stunning; this is quartz accuracy in a 'real' watch! Combine this with extended warranty and service intervals and I couldn't be happier.

That's much better. It wouldn't take me out of the film nearly as much.




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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:58 am

If only he did it while driving the Mondeo.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:47 am

I LOATHE Ford's policy of "you want to have Bond drive an Astin Martin? Write in Bond and the leading lady to drive one of our Ford brands or GTFO".

QOS was apparently the last film EON had a three-film contract with Ford starting in DAD. I hope they intend to find a different company that won't pull S*** polices.

And no more BMWs. Leave that S*** in the Brosnan era. Especially the four door family car he drove in TND.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:08 pm

You have to go a long way to find a worse line that the whole Christmas set-up. That was positively cringe-making. Made me want to chew my own arm off in self-defence.

Second place must surely go to "The pen is mightier than the sword?".
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:18 pm

"The things we do for frequent flier mileage."

"Backseat driver."

"I suppose we have to pay the piper sometime right Q?'

"Saved by the bell."
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:34 pm

I like the bottom 3 of those lines, MP :tongue:

"I've seemed to have missed dessert" - Roger Moore

"Our little friend with expensive acne" - Giacinta Johnson (Her friends call her Jinx)

"They feast, like there's no tomorrow" - James Bond

In fact, Bond and Giacinta intial meeting.

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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:37 pm

"I've been known to KEEP MY TIP UP." *tilts up sword to make it worse*

I'm very interested in seeing what Pervis and Wade's original script for DAD was like before Tamahori made his own rewrites.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 24, 2011 8:27 am

Naturally "Yo Mama"

I'm surprised that wasn't the first thing mentioned here. It is easily the worst line in a Bond film...perhaps in all of big budgeted film?

And as much as I love Casino Royale, the product placement with that Omega thing is just plain pithy. My God, next Bond is going to pick up a Diet Coke, and say "The perfect soft drink...for an imperfect world" and wink at the camera.....wait a minute:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ojw3AS3BW8

PIERCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 24, 2011 12:12 pm

laugh Maybe we should run a poll on who did the best commercials. Call me a Dalton fanatic, I thought the Lark ad, though it was plain selling the ciggarette, was the most Bond-ish. So sue me.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Thu Mar 24, 2011 9:43 pm

"I'm Mr Kil"
"Well there's a name to die for"

It's like the character was invented for that joke or something...

Makeshift Python wrote:
"I've been known to KEEP MY TIP UP." *tilts up sword to make it worse*

I'm very interested in seeing what Pervis and Wade's original script for DAD was like before Tamahori made his own rewrites.

I'm convinced their drafts must be decent. Otherwise why would they keep hiring them? I'd definitely like to see their original Die Another Day and how close it was to the Moonraker novel.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Fri Mar 25, 2011 1:17 am

It's been so long since I've watched either DAD or TWINE, I hardly remember. Maybe I need to re-watch them just to remember why I think they're awful....

On second thought....There's no way I'm doing that...
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:23 am

Vesper wrote:
"I'm Mr Kil"
"Well there's a name to die for"

It's like the character was invented for that joke or something...

Makeshift Python wrote:
"I've been known to KEEP MY TIP UP." *tilts up sword to make it worse*

I'm very interested in seeing what Pervis and Wade's original script for DAD was like before Tamahori made his own rewrites.

I'm convinced their drafts must be decent. Otherwise why would they keep hiring them? I'd definitely like to see their original Die Another Day and how close it was to the Moonraker novel.

I've always been pretty unsure about Purvis and Wade. I know the structure of the films are largely their contribution but someone is always brought in to do rewrites. Dana Stevens/Bruce Feirstein for TWINE, Tamahori himself for DAD, Haggis for CR. As far as I know very little of their work made it to QOS.

The only thing I can pinpoint that might be theirs is probably the theme of trust, which has been a staple for all Bond films between TWINE and QOS so far.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sat Mar 26, 2011 10:05 pm

CJB wrote:
I can't go past the suggestion Saunders (think it was him) made on Old MI6.

*Mr Wint is hurled into the water and explodes*

*Bond glances over the railing*

"He always did enjoy a good bang up the arse."

Not that he was the infallible piece of casting some people paint him as, but I can completely picture Dalton delivering that line with a straight face and selling it. laugh
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:23 am

I was always annoyed by Brosnan's constant "Whaddaya?" during the motorcycle chase when Wai Lin was moving.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:49 pm

I get those saved before there be gone from the ''futures lines you like to hear'' thread.

Quote :

Villian: I don't dump oil unnecessary like your country did Mr Bond. You don't get the message ?
Bond: I am English
Villian: I don't give about borders Mr Bond and may i believe your traveling schedule too.

Quote :
Goverment guy to M: Your name is not worth it to this job
M: Why have my name to do with this situation ?
Goverment guy to M: I think you are the situation not Master, For love and country i think the lights go off now.

Later...

Light go off in the room of the goverment guy..

Goverment guy: Lights onn... Dam those energy saving light get out of hand.. (walking a way)

Lights on..

Goverment guy: Bond ??
Bond: Enough grabble. We must talk
Goverment guy: I don't..
Bond: Stop.. Where is M ?
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:50 pm

'Grab this ... no, the wheel! The wheel!' from AVTAK.

In the middle of a chase, Stacey thinks Bond fancies a quick handjob? WTF?

Weak, lame, crowbarred-in innuendo.
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PostSubject: Re: I can write better fucking lines than that!   Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:06 am

MBalje wrote:
I get those saved before there be gone from the ''futures lines you like to hear'' thread.

Quote :

Villian: I don't dump oil unnecessary like your country did Mr Bond. You don't get the message ?
Bond: I am English
Villian: I don't give about borders Mr Bond and may i believe your traveling schedule too.

Quote :
Goverment guy to M: Your name is not worth it to this job
M: Why have my name to do with this situation ?
Goverment guy to M: I think you are the situation not Master, For love and country i think the lights go off now.

Later...

Light go off in the room of the goverment guy..

Goverment guy: Lights onn... Dam those energy saving light get out of hand.. (walking a way)

Lights on..

Goverment guy: Bond ??
Bond: Enough grabble. We must talk
Goverment guy: I don't..
Bond: Stop.. Where is M ?

To hell with twaddleonthesun, we need Balje to write Bond 23.
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