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 What would his Bond do?

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Toppers
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:11 pm

Good one, Python. laugh
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James. C
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Thu Nov 01, 2012 12:30 am

TIME TO LEAVE always gets me laugh
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:22 pm

Tracy dies at the end of OHMSS

Connery

As Bond is flirting with Tracy, Blofeld shows up driving a sedan while Irma Bunt blazes her submachine gun at Bond and his wife. "It's Blofeld", says Bond in a bored tone. He gets back in the car ready to start the engine, then notices his wife is now lifeless with a bullet wound on her forehead. Bond takes a moment before flatly saying "Damn...".

Moore

As Irma Bunt begins shooting at the Bond and Tracy, the bullets mysteriously go astray, missing both targets. The Sedan drives off, with Bond cocking his eyebrow as he watches them. Tracy, confused, asks Bond, "how the devil did they miss?" Bond then check his watch and quips "sheer magnetism, darling." They start shagging in the Aston Martin.

Dalton

As Bond looks at Tracy corpse he quickly embraces her, sobbing. As he realizes what happened, rage starts to fill his entire being. He starts the engine and takes off, racing towards Blofeld's sedan like a madman. As he creeps to Blofeld's right, he takes a moment to look into Blofeld's eyes to let him know he was absolutely fucked. "WATCH THE BIRDY, YOU BASTARD!" Bond then slams his car onto Blofeld's, causing his sedan to crash off the road and down the cliff. Bond stops his car to step out and take a look as the sedan crashes into flames.

Brosnan

Painfaces and grunts all the way to the credits.

Craig

As Irma Bunt shoots, Bond catches the bullet that would have hit Tracy, with his bare hand. As the sedan drives off, Bond aims and swings his arm, throwing the bullet directly to Blofeld's head, causing it to explode. The sedan then crashes down the cliff into flames. Tracy, confused, asks "what happened?" Bond awkwardly quips "I can find the uhhhh... stationary."
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Thu Nov 01, 2012 11:26 pm

Now I have no problem with how OHMSS ends, but damn ... Lazenby doing what you have Dalton doing there would've been just fine with me too, Python.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:40 am

Eve Shaves Bond in SF.

Connery: "Pussy also knows I like close shaves!"
Lazenby: "Let's move into the firelight..."
Moore: *A snake moves along near Eve's leg. He kills it with his cigar and aftershave. He woos Eve and she pulls off her wig. They shag.*
Dalton: *Snatches the razor off Eve and holds it to her neck. Aggressively asks if Q really is scared of flying and if he'd like some strawberry jam with his Earl Grey*.
Brosnan: *Pulls out L'Oreal Shaving Cream*. "I'm worth it".
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:55 am

Raoul Silva tries to make Bond uncomfortable by seducing him.

Connery: the laws of magnetism - that opposites attract and like repel - apply to raw sexual magnetism, and Sir Sean simply repels Silva.

Lazenby: tries to use the same pick-up line ("You're as pretty as a picture ...") that he used on the Angels of Death in an attempt to make Silva equally-uncomfortable. The scene awkwardly cuts away, leaving the outcome unclear, so your mileage mary vary.

Moore: cocks and eyebrow. Silva finds this strangely unsettling.

Dalton: shoots Silva with the antique pistol, which he found on the boat.

Brosnan: after a few awkward close-ups that suggest something is about to happen, Brosnan drops a seedy single-entendre. Silva leaves in disgust, has sex with Severine to kill the memory while it's still fresh, and flies to London, leaving Bond tied up in the chair.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Fri Apr 26, 2013 4:38 am

I had previously thought that if Silva had opened Connery's shirt, the mighty chest hair would've sprang forth with such force that Silva would've been knocked to the ground.

And Moore's eyebrows would've went into a sort of 'uber-waggle' mode, destroying all in their path.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:50 am

Blunt Instrument wrote:

And Moore's eyebrows would've went into a sort of 'uber-waggle' mode, destroying all in their path.

10/10 sir HAHAHA.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:42 am

:*h*:
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:34 pm

Skyfall with Timothy Dalton:

As Silva caresses Bond's chest, Bond suddenly headbutts Silva, knocking him out cold. When he returns to Q branch, Q asks what happened to his signature gun, then Bond snaps his neck.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Fri Jun 07, 2013 10:59 am

LTK Cocaine shredder:

Connery: Lies down on conveyor belt as if it were a lounge chair, then calmly asks "Permission to bash your shkull in?" as the bonds magically break free due to the mighty body hair strength, and the henchman immediately stagger about bleeding to death due to the Sean's sheer machismo. Sanchez recognizes the massive Scottish might standing in front of him and offers a portion of his empire. Cut to Sanchez being tossed into the shredder with both legs broken off by sheer force. "He certainly left with his tails between his legs." Bond and Felix get drunk together and bond further over their dead wives. Pam looks onward and grins. They shag.

Lazenby: Battered within an inch of his life, Bond's toes begin to dip towards the shredder until he suddenly jams his ripped off pants into the bottom of the conveyor belt to stop it from moving. After jackknifing up in a super quick cut, he breaks Dario's neck with a single superfast punch sending him into the shredder. The other henchmen are dispatched in 14 frames, Sanzhez is then slowly strangled by a convenient two by four in place of a ski, Bond finds Pam and ties Heller to a Stinger missile and places him at the sealed door. Bond detonates the missile and the two escape by helicopter. "He had a lot of guts." Bond and Pam shag in mid flight. "I'll be glad to get my feet on the ground." "Not ground...ass." "This definitely never happened to the other fellow."

Moore: Sanchez is out for personal revenge. his blood is up and Bond has seemingly no way out. Sanchez: You could have had everything. Moore: There's never a cab when you want one.
Moore raises an eyebrow and through its might Sanchez falls to the floor, victim of a nasty eyebrow butt to the head. Moore takes out the henchmen with convenient aerosol sprays, industrial magnets, falling cars, trains, border guards, low bridges and whatever else is at hand. Dario is strung up and then placed comfortably on the conveyor belt so he can slowly and tortuously be lowered into the shredder. Sanchez tries to attack with a surprise machete but this fails as Moore uses the Rolex to send him flying to his death. Moore and Pam escape on Q's jet powered golf cart. They shag.

Brosnan: "You could have had everything." Smouldering PAINFACE. Bond is tied up and put on the conveyor belt. FASTAH you bastard! Killing me won't solve anything...the script says you have to die anyway despite your beating me again. --That may be Mr. Bond, but you remain down there and I am up here. And in twelve hours I will be covering the news in a helicopter in the light of a new sun. I will not miss. And you will die, Her Majesty's loyal terrier. They exit. Dario remains to screw with Bond. Bond approaches the shredder to intermittent cuts of increasing PAINFACE. The shredder comes so close that huge clouds of cocaine dust a re shot into the air clouding their vision and coating even the drawn PAINFACE. Bond takes a pummeling until the very last second at the PAINFACE of all PAINFACES, when he can utilize Q's magic invisible Dacia Sandero (licensing changes) to slam into Dario and send him into the shredder. "See you back at the hacienda." Bond finds Pam unconscious and assumes the worst. He pours himself over her prostrate body in anguish despite the fact that Pam is screaming at him to get off. He then begins rubbing her intensely demanding that the "cold kept her alive". She sits up and begins trying to brush him off, when Bond grabs her by the shoulders and shakes forcefully, yelling "LOOK INTO MY EYES!". Eventually they get on a jeep and make it back to the plane. Bond jumps onto a tanker which sends it careening out of control, flinging Bond off to break his shoulder. Several poses and explosions later, Sanchez has Pam at gunpoint and Bond is immobilized. Pam demands for Bond to just eliminate Sanchez. Bond: "No. We're going to finish this together." Sanchez stares incredulously before doing a massive facepalm. Because the two hour time limit has been breached, Sanchez magically combusts, leaving Bond and Pam in the middle of a desert in Mexico stranded. They look at each other and shrug, choosing to heat exhaustion shag over getting picked up by the multitudes of rescue teams around them trying to put out the massive fires.

Craig: Ignorantly begins punching at anything that moves. Downs Sanchez, fights Dario and falls onto the conveyor belt. Accidentally knocks Pam into the shredder, because of miscommunications from MI6. Stands on the belt until he can get a clearer reception and gets shredded.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:10 am

Brosnan in the final confrontation with Sanchez in Licence to Kill

After a lengthy gadget-filled tanker chase scored by generic techno music, Sanchez' tanker crashes and sends Bond flying. He lands, gives us his PAINFACE and grunts "UUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNGGGGGHOOOOOO" before Sanchez grabs him by the throat, prompting yet another PAINFACE grunt. Sanchez prepares to execute Bond and says "You could have had everything!". Bond asks "Don't you want to know why?" (between deep, loud breaths as a result of being choked) and shows the lighter Felix and Della gave him. He then flicks open the lighter and presses the button... revealing that Bond had Q make the lighter into a freaking Lightsaber. Bond and Sanchez then have a sword fight scored by even more generic techno, before Bond gains the upper hand and chops Sanchez' head off, retrieves the Uzi from his corpse, and uses it to shoot up the tanker in a huge explosion. Bond (who has no blood or dust on him and still has perfectly coifed hair, by the way) walks off and reunites with Pam, who asks what became of Sanchez. "I'm afraid he lost his head."

I'll try to think of more. This is lots of fun.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:45 am

Bond vs Rosa

Lazenby: Bond and Rosa battle it out… There's quick cuts of the two struggling against each other, Lazenby uses the chair to hold her back and prevent her from kicking him. Suddenly they're fighting in the half filled bath tub, splashing away, still struggling. Tanya comes in a shoot's Klebb under the water. Lazenby takes Klebb's shoe and accidentally pricks himself with the poison tip. "This never happened to the --" Bond dies.

Moore: Moore slowly moves around the room with a half smile as Klebb kicks out the poison point. "Quite revealing" Moore says, not showing the slightest of fear. He pins her against the wall with the chair (just as Connery does). "You'll have to do better than that" he says calmly, then "I see you're a woman of very few words". Suddenly Rosa stops. They shag. Tanya joins.

Dalton: Angered by the fact he has let Klebb slip in under his nose, as soon as the poison tip shoe is revealed, he grabs the chair and hits Klebb with it. The chair breaks. Dalton moves across the room. Klebb picks up a chair leg and throws it at him. She misses and nearly hits a pigeon sitting on their Venice balcony. "WATCH THE BIRDY YOU BASTARD! THAT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE STRAWBERRY JAM OF HIM!" He powers towards her, forces her onto the couch. His hand runs down her leg to the poison tip shoe, takes it off and rams it up her pussy.
"Horrible woman!" Tanya comments.
"Yes… She got the boot."

Brosnan: Klebb taps her shoe to reveal the poison tip - only for a rocket to be launched from the shoe at Bond. He dodges it and rolls along the floor to behind the couch, almost knocking over the Bollinger champagne on the side table. He sits up and looks at his Omega watch. Techno Arnold Bond theme kicks in. He presses a button and the shoe explodes - it was the same shoe he found where they "keep the old relics" from MI6 (as seen in DAD). Klebb is injured but tries to reach the gun that's close to Tanya. Tanya grabs it and shoots Klebb to protect herself.
"Horrible woman" says Tanya.
Bond picks up the sole that remains from Klebb's shoe.
"Yes, she was… soul-less…" troll face

Craig: I'm thinking something like the Siena rooftop chase meets the falling house of Venice…
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:50 am

FieldsMan wrote:
Bond picks up the sole that remains from Klebb's shoe.

"Yes, she was… soul-less…" troll face

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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:30 pm

There is so much gold from other posters on the previous pages.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:40 pm

This is a thread that should always stay alive. Started it 8 years ago at Olde MI6, such a shame that a lot of those posts are gone.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Thu Sep 11, 2014 11:22 pm

Louis Armstrong wrote:

Brosnan stops on the roadside at the end of On Her Majesty's Secret Service...
Bullets riddle Bond's car and Tracy is killed. Brosnan kisses and bites her shoulder to the strains of some John Barry pastiche.

Classic.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Sun Jul 19, 2015 5:36 pm

Bond resigns from MI6 in LTK:

Connery
Would have kicked the DEA agent in the face before seeing M.
"Where ish he? I shan't ashk you again!"
The DEA agent would have given Bond directions to Sanchez, killed Sanchez, and then carried on in Istanbul.

Lazenby
"You're license to kill is re---!" M is cut off by Moneypenny.
"How about two weeks leave, sir".
"What would I do without you Moneypenny?" M smiles.
Bond smiles too: "Good. Now I have all the time in the world".
"It's two weeks 007." M corrects him.
Bond starts to cry.

Moore:
"We're not a country club, 007!"
"Well there's no point in going off half-cocked…" Bond raises an eyebrow. M looks at him suspiciously.
"Well I don't suppose you'd care for a night-cap? No didn't think so"
"You're going to be on a flight to Istanbul"
"Alright Sir."
-- After about an hour of screen time, it ends up being that Bond's mission in Istanbul correlates to his revenge mission.  

Brosnan:
"You're licence to kill is revoked, effective immediately"
"Along with my freedom?"
"Hand over your weapon"
Bond does so, and then puts his hand in his pocket.
"I think you failed to take into account my hidden specs".
The gun explodes and he jumps over the railing, dislocating his shoulder.
"I now have a chip on my shoulder" Bond quips. "After M gave me the cold shoulder. We were always shoulder to shoulder". He rolls through a gap under the gate and walks onto the street.

Craig:
"Have you got any stationary?" Bond asks. One of M's agents replies: "No, but we have a laptop". Bond takes the laptop and writes: I hereby tender my resignation, effective immediately. He shows M, who replies 'We're not a country club 007!" M accepts the resignation and his agents approach Bond to arrest him. Bond then knocks them both out and jumps over the railing. M starts reciting Hamlet's famous monologue intercutting with the action. "To be or not the be, that is the question…" Craig runs through the streets, bumping into the DEA agent who lured Bond to M. "Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer…" Some agents run out to the streets and shoot at Bond, but hit the DEA agent. Bond looks back at him. "…The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…" Bond picks up the DEA agent and throws him in a dumpster. He then runs inside a house and escapes from the sight of the agents.
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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Tue Jul 21, 2015 11:32 am

FieldsMan wrote:
"Good. Now I have all the time in the world".
"It's two weeks 007." M corrects him.
Bond starts to cry.

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PostSubject: Re: What would his Bond do?   Thu Oct 29, 2015 11:22 pm

Bond spots Fiona Volpe in his bathroom.

Lazenby
Fiona: Well at least give me something to put on.
Bond finds her SPECTRE ring. He gets down on one knee and proposes.

Moore
Fiona: Well at least give me something to put on.
Bond finds her SPECTRE ring and gives it to her. He cocks an eyebrow.

Dalton
Fiona: Well at least give me something to put on.
Bond: Well why don't you wait until you're asked?
Fiona: Well why don't you ask me?

Brosnan
Fiona: Well at least give me something to put on.
Bond hands her L'Oreal foundation.
Bond: You're worth it.

Craig
Fiona: Well at least give me something to put on.
Bond walks out of the bathroom and pops back in with a purple dress.
Bond: What? I need you looking fabulous.
Fiona: I forgot your ego, Mr Bond.
He strangles her with the dress.
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