Worst Script Ideas Ever

Here's a bad idea, straight off the top of my head and ripped from the headlines: bad guys turn insecure women into unwitting weapons of mass destruction by having them smuggle biological/chemical weapons into the country in faulty breast implants.

j7wild wrote:

how the heck do you make a movie out of Monopoly, a board game?

They've managed to make one out of Battleship.

Prisoner Monkeys wrote:

Here's a bad idea, straight off the top of my head and ripped from the headlines: bad guys turn insecure women into unwitting weapons of mass destruction by having them smuggle biological/chemical weapons into the country in faulty breast implants.

That sounds like my ideal film. Please write it.

Actually, a better idea would be Mexican drug cartels smuggling cocaine into the country in breast implants because the polymers the implants are made of prevent sniffer dogs from detecting the cocaine. Once in the country, the women are advised that their brand-new implants are flawed and need to be removed. But, one woman's implants fail, dumping loads of cocaine into her body and she has a massive overdose.

A cocaine overdose is too grim and realistic. I want exposing tits, and there must be a bomb defusal scene.

Well, Anthony Burgess' script for THE SPY WHO LOVED ME featured people who were turned into walking biological weapons because Blofeld implanted them with a device that released a nerve agent into their bloodstream and seeped out through their pores. Bond ended up "defusing" one of them with acupunture needles.

I changed it from biological weapons to cocaine because I was thinking that the biological weapons were dangerously close to the infamous scene in DUKE NUKEM FOREVER where Duke finds his two identical twin girlfriends forcibly absorbed into a giant alien biological construct and forcibly impregnated. Duke's reaction is "Looks like you've been ... fucked!", as if a woman being raped is the puncline of the joke. They then explode and the player has to fight off a swarm of little alien babies. The whole thing is one of the most disturbing and distasteful things ever committed to any kind of medium, and I figured that biological weapons rupturing inside people was far too close to this.

You're missing the appeal of the plot. Make it funny, smutty, camp, and un-PC, like a Russ Meyer exploitation flick, and it could feasibly work. A soft-porno with big exploding tits. No biological agents, cocaine, or Russians. Just wholesome family entertainment.

This will be the theme song:

I was thinking it would be an exploitation film (boobsploitation?), but if that's the case, then there needs to be a reason for the implants to be exploding. You can't just have two hours of breasts exploding - they have to be exploding for a reason, and the hero of the story has to be able to stop them from exploding in order to save all those insecure and impressionable young women with faulty boob jobs. Even if that reason is Russians, or cocaine or biological weapons or even the Lesbian Black Jewish Klanswomen For Tolerance And Understanding, the reason has to exist. Otherwise, it stops being boobsploitation and starts being torture-porn as women die from ruptured breast implants that cannot be stopped.

Fair enough. I was thinking of some explosive chemical attached to the silicon implants, that reacts to a trigger when close to it. A spin on the the lapel idea from TWINE.

It would have to be something connected to the targets, whoever they are.

I've got an idea for the motive! An OWS/Greenpeace/Wikileaks-type movement wants to get rid of all the bankers they felt got away with bringing on the economic crisis, so they hatch a plan...

... To be continued...

Proposed title:

AIRBAG GENERATION X

An idea for a Bond screenplay that is more Haggis than Haggis.

Of all the out-of-place scenes in QUANTUM OF SOLACE, one of the most fiercely-despised is the bar scene where Bond gets stuck into Felix on the subject of American imperialism, when Fleming's Bond was something of an imperialist himself.

So let's just take it one step further and subvert Bond's character even more:

James Bond fights for Queen and country. This script would see Bond taking on the royal family. Perhaps not the Queen herself, but some rogue prince who is caught up in some scandal or plot.

So just you're just ignoring my tits exploitation flick in favour beating a dead Haggfish? I thought there was hope for you.

Pretty much, yeah. This is the "Worst Script Ideas" thread, not the "Think of a horrible idea for a script, and then write it" thread.